I cannot accept the fact why things have to turn out this way

I cannot comprehend why it has to be me...

We don't ask for trouble free life.

my family background forces me to be independent.

not that i really chose to.

If you have no $ den don't take cab,

if you have no $ don't gamble

if you have no $, don't harm your family members financially.

we are only here trying to earn a living.

i am only here trying to fight a piece of what belongs to me.

I am only here to start building my own dreams.

Why are there so many obstacles??

Why is everything not smooth sailing?

Why do i have to grow up worrying bout having $ all the time.

if marriage is going to bring an end to it, i gladly would.

but no!!!! i must not and will not until i am mentally/ financially ready.

What i can do now is to bear with it for a few years.

and hope prince charming come save me soon.

I need a breather.

I am so tired of this....

I just felt i really need to put if off my shoulder.

had been troubling me since the incident which i am guilty about.

Spiritualjoy is my best listener, though she doesnt give any advice.

at least she hears me well.

troubled by the fact that i lost a friend, i lost him because of my own idiotic act to agree.

i know my friends will tell me its not my fault because it will still happen.

but i was acting like a catalyse. i speed up the process.

And because I WAS in the same ship 3 years ago.

I had the same thoughts, if you want me, you gotta break your ties with your friends.

Yeah in a relationship, truly it is always about partner vs friends.

unfortunately/fortunately my bf is as stubborn as i am, refused.

of course i was devastated. of course i was swearing

"you mean your friends are more important than our relationship?"

but he told me something more hurtful.. i forced him to do smth that he thought would hurt the bitchanate so he told me "he doesn't want to hurt the friendship"

again to me WTF at this point you're still thinking about YOUR FRIENDSHIP with HER?

GO TO HELL SERIOUSLY.

proof- you can actually back track my old blog post back in year 09. can't remember the date though, shld be July onwards...

then because he refused so badly, i wanted to take the initiative on his behalf.

yes, i am those kind, don't mess with my man or i'll go hell with you.

lol.. he refused too. wah really i think that was my worst period of my relationship...

he reassured me and stuff but hell when you're hurt reassurance like no use liao...

i think eventually he went to tell her like..

"MY GIRLFRIEND ASKED ME TO SAY..................."

ya, so it became like I WAS instructing him to do what he didn't want to say to her...

ok la... den i was thinking my reputation infront of his friends already tarnish.

if i stop him from meeting them ,my reputation as a gf is really can be trash...

so i act noble lor. let them meet. anw by forbidding ties is really avoiding the problem which to me isn't really solving the problem.

of course i believe there would be awkwardness, i have never met them in real,

and never will. my reputation is really at 0 and i really don't care...

3 years ago, the fact is u called him BEE, and to date you're still a bitch because of that.

YES FACE THAT BITCH.

i am not trying to be mean but pls la hor,

use your brain before you commit any actions.

but ok, not trying to be sour grapes but like hello! now isham is in NS, whos more afraid of losing who? TRY ME LOR ISHAM TRY ME!!!! HAHAHAHA

anw one wave after another, i hope the next party would be good!

but thankfully we have already broke the barrier, sorted out things before shit happens!

phew~~~~~~~

Thanks for being the best :)

and my favourite quote last time "the bez man"

:)