Not prepped

Had Laksa for Lunch thinking there would be enough time to digest and 

time to go toilet...

best thing the pain only came THE MOMENT READING TIME STARTED

for the first 15min of the exams I was perspiring and thinking whether I SHLD GO TO THE TOILET!!! wah this is last warning man... haha

anw the paper was clearly too tough for me to handle anyway.

first I wasn't well prepared,

second what I expected and what the lecturers expected didn't really come out.

third, i was super discouraged by the 1st qn already

fourth, I wrote my answers halfway and decided to change question

Well I guess I will only try to pass in Jun.

Hardest paper so far... like I got study and still cannot write out. LOL

lessons learnt

never take 2 theory papers together

never eat laksa before exams

but anw for now its time to shop, hair mask, face mask, catch up on WWE

and I WILL BE BETTER!!!! :) 

Tomorrow

Ok. So tomorrow i am prepared to flunk my exams! Giving my best shot anyhoos.

In Pain, I found Him

He dropped me hints in my dreams which I later linked up to be the truth,
He taught me that to move on, believe in Him and to put this behind my back
(literally in my dream, I was asked to put a badge with a Quran verse on my back),
because of ghosts haunting me which I equate to this whole haunting experience.
I read the Quran briefly, cus the English choice of words are too difficult.
He knows even without me speaking >.<
Who else can understand me better?

Perhaps this is His way to show me and His way to tell Isham and I,
He is always watching,

And to that girl who destroyed my relationship(excuse me, don't say like you have such good intentions, it takes 2 hands to clap). Hope you can change for the better and I don't have to do anything to you now, God will take care of it, and your shall receive what you deserved on Judgement Day.

Meanwhile, I shall concentrate on exams and hope all's good!
:) Then be a better person

Hate that I love you

Totally. sucks.
I hate going thru this thought process everyday
I hate having to curse someone everyday so i feel better
Just what kind of person am I becoming...

I am becoming someone I don't wanna be
someone very idiotic!

pain

been a month!
wish i could run today but the weather wasn't kind at all.
rainy season... gahhh

pain still there. wish i could live without thinking/talking about it.
but its the first thing on my mind every single day
every single night.
i dont even know what I am talking about now. lol
this worse than a bitch asshole deserves the ultimate.
hope her husband leaves her when she get married and have children
hahahaha. ok i am so mean. but no one will be nice to anyone who is mean to you FIRST right?

painful thoughts i still can't get rid of.
why did you ever let it happen?
i will walk out of this stronger!!!
if u are my loyal reader, you shld alr know loyalty/faithfulness is #1.
there are too many people around me that disappointed me with tt.
it hurts but that's really the last thing I thought will happen
despite reminders, warnings. he fell for it.
I fell out of love.

WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 7 years of hard work, sacrifices, learning the religion, fasting
I was alr trying so harddddddd
over that black gums, smoking,drinking bitch?
I still think she is NTH compared to me.
really. I am WAY WAYYYYYYYYY better than her
well... u just lost the title of being a dream guy
i still hold as dream gf. YAY!! haha

Day 4

Too much on the line
Too much love
Too little time
Too soft-hearted

Day 14

Ytd I went for GE Run, my second, after missing last year's due to rain.
Sy was late so we flagged off together with the 5km, then diverted at road split.
Since there were few 10km peeps running, we had plenty of spaces!
one of the best not so tired run so far,
but because we started quite late so.. the sun was not friendly at all...
in my mind other than the my pain was... faster finish very hot!
Finished slightly over an hr, which is yay! not bad.
The route was good man! uturns but no narrow roads and constructions
and kallang river only at the last stretch, no MBS as well.
trademark Nicoll highway still have la!
after the run, we queued for free Towel, garlic bread, fiber drink, choco milk, passionfruit drinks,
loads!! of cereal bars, nandos chicken, just missing out on the ice cream and muffins
haha! Thank you Sy for the belated bday gift. appreciate it!
we queued 3 times for the cereal bar, each time they gave 4, and is full size!!!
so generous, hehehe!
no long queue at baggage area too! everything was great except the tupperware lady
was being damn stuckup over the free small tupperware container they were giving out
she was like 你不要，后面的人都要抢 cus we asked for 2. and there was only 1 last available
wah lao... damn kiamsiap pls.

then headed home without rest!! haha not very tired, don't know why.
At 1.45am, the car alarm rang AGAIN!!!
gosh! carpark is just directly opp and i couldn't sleep at all.
blasted music. haha
'Isham was being sweet, he drove to my house at 2+am so I could rest in the car without the noise.
When he reached, the police came and I think the owner was already there to fix the car alarm.
didn't have much rest last night... hope tonight will be smooth, otherwise I can go bang the wall
seriously!!!
days like these he makes me go softhearted despite what he has done...
sigh!!!

2 days ago had a dream so much to read from it,
God is amazing!

+5

6 years 11 months interracial

We were 2 weeks shy of the BIG 7 milestone.
Anw, just to jot down my 7 years experience...
round off la, +- courting days

We were courting for about at least 6 mths before we were officially together.
at 16 year old, no one at that age wld think about spending your life with the 16yo boyfriend.
So naturally, we just followed our hearts, entered into a relationship
not knowing what is really ahead of us.
This is falling in love.
The tough part was always how to sustain the love.

I came from a buddhist family, I had no Altar at home but would still pray during special occasions
He came from a strict muslim family.
Before this, I had limited knowledge on Islam, I know they fast during the fasting period, they can't eat pork they can't touch dogs and that's probably about it.
It was only much later I knew they needed to eat halal-certified food.
When I was with him, I got to try alot of food I wouldn't try if I were alone...
Indian muslim food, even prata i would only stick to egg and kosong.
I am not very adventurous when it comes to food but he opened the world of food to me.
By nature, I don't really eat pork, all I can remember is charsiew, roasted pork
so it wasn't that tough to take pork away from my diet.

When we first got together, I told my mum about it.
I am someone who rather tell than let the person find out if really there is smth to hide.
She was disappointed with me, firstly for dating at such a young age.
secondly, it had to be a malay.
Objection max!! she would tell me things like break up or leave the family
and how all these bgr will affect my poly years.
For him, he had to lie so we could go out together
I was determined to prove her wrong...
for everyone who doubted us, we were strong to prove everyone else wrong.
Time will tell.... we said.

We were still drawing pocket money, we did alot of cheap/free things
like soccer, roller blade, just chilling by the park but we enjoyed it.
I had work on sundays and he would wait for me to end work to have dinner together.
Friends would ask me, why malay?
Honestly, there isn't a specific reason why, sparks, love just happened!
I can't explain either...
when we were together, even after many years, I don't feel we came from different race and religion
I feel like a normal couple when we go out, he don't look very malay pls no heavy malay slang
so I don't really feel it.
It was not until the 3rd year that he was introduced to my family in proper
and I met his parents for the first time during his POP 3 years ago?
Getting acceptance from the parents wasn't easy, but we were right,
time will tell and I cannot be anymore grateful for accepting us.
His parents always make me feel very welcomed,
his house decorated with lots of family pictures,
his mum knows exactly what and when each son is working/shifting even if they don't stay together.
perks of a housewife*
alot of things to say, even though her eng vocab is limited, humorous, just how I wish my own family will be like :)

So after many years, I decided, this is the man of my life!!!!
even before he popped the question. HAHA
I can't find anyone else who love me this much
who appreciates me this much
who I share similar interest
and most importantly, I love him.
even so, I didn't fast until this year.
He once told me long time ago, he didn't want me to convert because of marriage.
At that time, in my mind was like, of cus it had to be because of you! If not I convert for what?
years later i asked myself, if he is the man of my life, am I willing to convert?
long thought.... my answer is yes.
So I fasted this year. AMAZING discipline, even when I think back now i don't even know
how I could have done it. Can you imagine waking up at 4+ to cook...
and eating rice in the morning.
then on the first day of Ramadhan, i attended the first 'class'
knowing Islam, a few times I teared, but I also don't know why I teared.
Maybe because I've never felt so close to God? I don't know, maybe I was having a really down time,
and the teacher was spot on, I remember vividly he said, forgive him, because on judgement day, he will pay for his sins.
at the end of the session, I was amazed, more interested to know about the religion
everyday before I start my fast, just whisper a little prayer for strength to last me through the day.
during that time, I had the energy to swim and run...
My mum, colleagues and friends were very accommodating.
I fasted on my own accord. some ask if it was really necessary....
Well, no harm trying, really...

I didn't have the chance to continue my lessons though.
I would have loved to and really it takes alot to be a good Muslim,
I like how peaceful it is to be in the mosque
short prayer just you and him,
some things you don't even have to say and He know....

Anw, my breakup proved a point that He exists and He is watching.
I am amazed by how everything falls in place and it really cannot be just pure coincidental.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

6 yrs 11 mth I think we have learnt alot from each other.
so much that when I started working, our routine became pretty mundane
dinner, gym, run...
that's pretty much about it.
I believe it takes 2 hands to clap, and I am sure from this pain,
there are things I also have not done well enough,
Things I will seek to improve to be a better individual.

Please guide me and show me the best path!

Still heart broken but pretty sure I will walk out of it soon! :)

Day 8 and BIRTHDAY

Been a week since my world crashed!

and I SURVIVED!!! YAY i ought to be happy about it right? :)

last weekend spent it at Abg Isk and Mysha's wedding.

part of me wants to attend the wedding,

part of me was soft-hearted

inside I am still bleeding, though not profusely...

Thankful to his parents, bother and sis-in-law for their understanding.

it wasn't easy controlling the tears whenever someone ask are you ok?

in fact, this time, his cousin had to take me a walk down the memory lane

and remind myself how we fell for each other, what I liked about you etc.

Today is my birthday,

I am so grateful I have so any friends to celebrate with me. :)

He made a card and gave me rose, knowing I hasn't filled my stomach, he bought me food.

Then the pathetic 4 surprised me at doorstep!!! one had school next and the other had work

SUPER TOUCHED PLEASE!!

I came to office with a cake on the table.

Went birthday lunch with colleagues

birthday dinner with Mich!

came home to another package at home!! from the poly clique!

you may not read this, but this is damn awesome! cus i guessed it correctly

haha. This year i got alot of wishes.

LEZZZGO!!

suddenly when you are busy, not thinking much, 

the heart can rest a little! don't miss so much, 

MY 23 WILL BE BETTER! FOR SURE!!!!

I must make it better!

more pics next time. heh <3

Day 5

So after the anger,sadness and disappointment,
now the real shit kicks in and is probably going to be the toughest
memories flashback :(
also the most vulnerable period cus my heart is TOO SOFT!
gosh, I can't believe I am even helping him when my friends are trying to help me.
I really have to see what's infront of me. Gosh,

PLEASE GUIDE ME >.<

Day 1

Today was my breakup day 1, progressing well and i should be proud :)
Ytd was alot of crying after work,
can you imagine I had to tahan my tears from 10am to 6pm go home,
change to running gear, and cry while running :(
I feel so sad for myself but it is true..
It is also the first time i took a good 1.5hours to finish 2 cuts of sandwiches
really no appetite, went back a place we used to date frequently before I started working
and he started army, lots of flashback, I had alot of thinking to do
I asked myself alot of questions, cried my heart out in public,
because i couldn't do it at home else my mum would find out
wipe my own tears and move on.
At that time i was angry and sad, i couldn't see why I deserve this shit...
Went to bed early but woke up 2 hours later, texted him, cried in between then went back to sleep at 4

My eyes were sore from the cries, so I took AM leave. did I just say I took AM leave after a breakup?
I read through those conversations and it crushed me again, it killed me, every single part of it.
my heart was cringing. I cried my hearts out again.
I ask God why it has to be me again??
Earlier this year, it doesn't pay to be kind episode 1
I was always thankful for having this ex for being with me through tough times at home
I believed that God shut my door from my Family and I was happy I had him and would love to start
a family with him, with out home.
I cried so hard I always had to put my palm against my heart

Unfortunately it had to happen, and I was lucky I found out, like I said earlier, All-fated
I asked myself if I will love him the same again, My answer was no,
that was when I knew I needed this relationship to end
This is by far my longest relationship and it hurts to say it
but it had to end by cheating.
we once told each other, whoever cheats will be each other's loss.
too bad he had to commit first.
He very much tried to ask for another chance
but I think I have given enough.
at least from the last episode where u reminisce the past with your other ex crush.
I was pretty sure this had to end, all these bad memories have to end

He told me he will try and win me back
but for now still friends
alot of thinking to do, alot on the line
I don't even know how to answer to my mum if she asks but hey
everything happened for a reason. I am still hurt :( very.....
 I am not ready to fogitve
i still can't recover from the damage... its so intense words cannot descirbe the pain, really
I hope to open my eyes wide again, see, and decide on my future
I am still confused now, still hurt, but at least no tears!
When I was done crying, went to work and got reminded of him walking with me
sigh
went for office run at Labrador Park where we celebrated our first mth.
Not much feels for now.
Aft that I met my pri sch friends for dinner at Boon Lay Raja. nice but too much to finish haha
I explained to them the whole situation without crying, i think this is part of moving on...
then Peiyi called!! delivered 2 pints of ice cream to my hse cus i wasn't home at that time!
I cannot be more thankful than everyone for their effort
made me feel so love even though my world is crushed!!!
I will be strong!!

broken

To start off, last night I had a bad dream, I dreamt that my office building collapse 

and I was dying...

just in office today, I found evidence of the boy with a good friend of his(his claim) having flirty exchanges, calling each other crushes, they just had unfinished business since pri sch

and I guess they just wanted to re-kindle the crush, but went over-board

here me with this bf for 7 years, yet he did such a thing to hurt me...

dating her for movies early Nov, which is my birthday

calling each other crush and sayang, and many more disgusting things that irks me ttm!

Tell me I AM DREAMING!!! gosh he was my life after the episode from my family

earlier this year, my life came crushing down on me again and it can't get worse...

so hurt...........

i cannot explain the pain

but the crying is over.

I will be stronger

cheating is smth I cannot tolerate

不开心

Maybe I am just being over-sensitive, concerned over things that I shldn't be,
100% trust in him
things that you would now keep to yourself...
真是猜不透，为什么感觉好像越来越不了解你.
but that's ok, I shall not be bothered and move on...
tomorrow will be a better day.

Not what it supposed to be

Today was supposed to be a happy day...
Well, it started off as it.
then, a phone call came, then i realised messages have been deleted
not sure if I am too sensitive but I am totally not ok with my bf staying up till 5
to hear girl friend's problems.
Gosh!!!!

KL Trip

Thought i better save a draft while memory is still fresh. :)
Day 1
Set off to airport at around 10,
had brunch before boarding the plane.
the journey was super fast. even faster than the time i took mrt to the airport. haha
and because it was our first time, we took some time to explore...
signs there are not very prominent but the KL xpress train was good.
fast! and efficient. the lrt was abit lok kok but we managed to reach Bukit Bintang,
by the time we checked in it was like 4+ an we had to rush off to the stadium.
Famished from our brunch at around 11.30, we bought a quick meal...

but to realise it was so HOT!!! damnnn

Anw, we managed to follow the crowd and reached the venue early.
along the way got ALOT of shop selling unofficial shirts and banners and what not
but in the end i still bought an authentic Roman Reign tshirt is S.
hehe, comfy shirt that cost $30... ouch, but at least the shirt not mic la!
made in the US. yay!!

The whole show was so awesome! very diff from the ones you watch on tv/online though.
Cus when u watch it on screen, they have commentators and the snip videos of the behind the scenes,
which are pre-recorded, live is just a few mins of waiting time.
and!!! we concluded that they only show the 'successful' moves on TV,
I have to admit not all moves are well-done, some are obvious fails like haven kick already drop.
but of course, most are awesome, and they are 'superstars' for a reason, they have to act.
Started off with John Cena vs Bray Wyatt whic was good, but after watching the next few matches
we felt like the first match was mehhhh~ all the matches turned out totally diff from the match card
here are some best shots from my S5...

John Cena Vs Bray Wyatt

NXT championship one of the best matches i felt

Sin Cara finishing!

OLE!! El Torito!

Big Show Vs The Miz, big shoe was huge!!! not just big >.<

Diva championship Paige Vs AJ, funny part is Paige's hair extension came off! people were chanting CM punk...

Like these 2 pairing - Kofi Kingston and Big E vs the 2 other Wyatts

YOU SOLD OUT! Seth Rollins

Vs US champ, Sheamus

TAP OUT TAP OUT!!

Taking pic before leaving!

Piccolo hotel! clean and comfy.. situated in a convenient location! worth!

This was Brunch on our following day at Sushi Tei with NO QUEUE!!!!
not gonna eat tempura for the next few mths,..

Then we saved some space for this 'roll' looks like a toilet roll with peanut butter and choc
damn awesome, it is actually in swirls so you can pull it off in a long strip.
it is crispy on the outside and soft on the inside! super nice!!! they have savory flavours too

den was shopping at H&M, trade mark 2 balls beanie which i also took while
i was in HK. haha

Then we had chix rice for dinner which was so so only la..

MUST GET RAMLY so we explored even though it was raining, finally found the street food omg!!
BUT IT WAS AFTER DINNER ALR!!!
but still buy for supper la! haha nice corn for 3rm..

Bought Chatime back, honey green tea. yumz!

last day breakfast! the liushabao is good man!!

This is my black pepper chicken noodle, nice!

dessert at Hui Lau Shan, feels like HK... price abt the same also

Then last few hours we spent singing K, 20rm++ for 3 hours and comes with food + 4 drinks
only issue was that when we started the volume was at MAX we almost turned deaf!!
we couldn't communicate with the staff, they thought we wanted to switch to analog,
So we concluded here all the people sing with music damn loud! haha
but after that we manage to find the controller which can adjust the volume,
tried to do it on the touch panel but was not responsive.
K is at sungei wang 6th floor, think it shld be the only one tt level.
bought my top and long dress for wedding lunch at sungei wang!

last thing to mention is the inflexibility!
we bought Famous amos cookies and wanted to split half half so we could take half of diff flavours
that we got, so we requested it to be done, HE DIDN'T ALLOW!
so instead of just simply exchanging our half flavour cookies, he gave us bags to split ourselves
HE JUST WASTED 2 bags la alamak! why!!! LOL

Anw, we had to rush for the damn PLANE!!
screens were not enough and we had to take a train to our boarding gates...
we were literally SPRINTING! damn heng we could catch it. i think we were the last 4 to arrive, 2 more after us!
and i bought the nicest BK burger - french chicken
yums! why they don't have it in SG, wanted to eat in the plane, but too tired i fell asleep
ended up sharing with Babe, lol

Met dearest on Tue again for dinner after work and Gelare since it is now Halal!
Tuesday is waffles day so it's 50%, but is still $11 for waffle with 2 scoops of ice cream!

Much loves!! need to start studying!

Been awhile...

Leaving for KL to watch WWE this weekend. Hope will be safe >.<
must start saving $, super duper broke!

busy

Been busy like a bee,
work has been zzzzzzz cus of new stuff coming up,
school started, netball and thurs,
slotting in a few runs here and there.
was sick for a week! felt like the longest ever,
which also means i stopped running for a week though i managed so sneak to the gym to do weights

one day the boy decided to surprise me on a workday ;)
much appreciated!

Its Sep! can't wait for for 2016! :)

Singapore Selection Vs Juventus

Not the biggest fan of the Italian powerhouse

but know of some individual players :)

that was one hell of good football!!

Opening match of the New national stadium...

huge huge difference from the old one

explain more abt it in awhile...

 Pic not in order, this was a photo after the presentation!

 Team photo before kick-off. Pogba is even younger than me...
we were sitting where the Juventus subs were warming up :)
WHERE IS TEVEZ :( :(

 stadium is only half filled with AIR-CON!!!!
but I must say the pitch condition is quite bad for a NEW stadium.. hmmm
No more Nasi Lemak and $2 diluted drinks
now you talk about Beer and Nachos??
Like watch movie leh...

Singapore made a few good passes in the first half which were pretty impressive...

although the Juv keeper was barely tested the entire game...

second half came alot of change so the pace of the game kinda changed.

Hassan Sunny was wahhhhhh made pretty good saves!!

 new stadium ,of cus make take pic la

 not bad a shot using my new S5 camera, i read in the terms that professional cameras were not allowed
they did a bagcheck before entering but in the end i still see so many ppl carrying PRO cams what!!
tsk!

HT also take pic la :) 

last pic of the OLD stadium!!! time flies woooo

still sad Tevez didn't even warm up! din't get to see him!
on the way up the stairs saw a group of ang mohs in Arg jersey
feels like meeting supporters from WC...hahah!
but they don't look south american enough so i doubt they are Argentinians
they waved at me cus I was in away jersey la! i turned back to make sure they weren't waving at their friends
before I waved back at them! HAHAHA
they must be as disappointed as I am cus TEVEZ didn't play!! arghhhhh

Rojo might be on the move to the Red devils
coincidentally, Rojo means RED in spanish. lol

still down with flu! arghh what a wasted weekend!!!

SG Day!

Self reminder: Shuai Ge day!!!! Lol time flies!

Super Week!!

Awesome week!!!

Firstly... I passed my exam! :)

This came as a real comfort because the night before I dreamt that I failed..

And because of all those that happened just 1 month before exams, 

I was on the verge of giving up this one.

Thankful for Isham, colleagues and friends who continued to encourage me.

I soon turn all my hatred,sadness and frustrations into studying at cc as much as I can

I owe this one to them.

Today

Isham had his 2nd last game against the 2nd in the table.

long story cut short, as long as they don't lose this one, they will be crowned champions!

The excitement was cut short when the opponent scored quickly into the 1st half...

they were 2-0 down by half time :( 

Then just before the second half started, told Isham to cut through the center and time his run!

Haha, we usually watch soccer together and would give discuss between us how they should play better

but this is actually the first time I gave him advice...

His teammate scored a few minutes into the second half.

then it was Isham who stole the limelight when he subsequently equalised and scored the winning goal!

Proud moment, of cus if you know me, I am not exactly the loud kind of person

So I will celebrate in minimal voice but inside is super happy for him :)

SO SO SO PROUD OF YOU BABE!!!

don't really care whether is it my presence or you are just good la!!

so happy you also bagged the TOP SCORER too:) 

:) :) :) 

You worked hard so you totally deserve it!