Reflection

Today I attended a training course called "Passion at Workplace"
When I first suggested to take this course during appraisal with boss, they were like
"no need la you are very passionate about work".
To me, no. I dread going to work because i know there are 101things that cannot be completed and its a vicious cycle. I know I have only been in my job for 2 years but recently(mid last yr onwards) workload have increased, expectations increased, more mistakes prone... and expected to work the same.

Been very tiring trying to manage my time with work,school,run,gym...
so tiring...

Today the trainer asked by profession or by choice?
Got to be profession for me. Am I enjoying what I am doing? I don't have an answer.

Passion = Meaning X Progress

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I were to go Uni 2 years ago.
Will I be different? Will I be more confident? More tired?
One thing for sure, the set of problems I face now, will be replaced by another set of problems from school.
One thing for sure, I didn't have the resources to start with.
I hate it when I have to start paying loans for the rest of my life.
Am I happy with where I stand now?

I went through the course thinking what I have been doing to not my work but my entire life.
I need a complete restructuring of my life, my perspective, my goals and aims all over again!

Maybe because I lack Family for the past 21 years,
I have always wanted to build my own and make it 1000x better than what I have.
explains the BTO too... haha
so Family comes on top of career or anything!! except health :)
I am not career minded, I don't have to be TOP TOP TOP.
but because of that I may be perceived as no aspiration, no aim, not challenging.
I wish to have work life balance,
if my circumstances allow, I wish to spend my time watching and teaching my kids.
it is so important to impart the right values at a young age.
Which your maid can never do the job as well as you do.

Being said that, I still do my best in my work.
DO it once and DO it right.
Yesterday, I was informed I was tasked to take on a new project for enhancement.
I couldn't hide my emotions, I said HUH... and gave a shock face.
I cannot believe I have to take on another task when I already have unfinished work on hand.
Of course, my boss reassured me that she will help me along etc.
This is a good example of negativity.
After attending the course today, I realise I should take it as an opportunity to grow, a chance for me to prove how far I can be pushed with pressure, how much I can deliver.
I now look forward to conquer it. The mentality matters! because the more you fear and dread it, the least priority you put it and procrastinate, duh~

If there is smth you are passionate abt, you will be willing to learn new things from it.
Ie my Ukulele, I was never good at it, I didn't learn it through schools, but play the chords that I learnt on youtube and try on new songs! This is smth I do, but I overlooked and didn't realise as passion.

Past Tuesday, I went for underdeck tour, which is smth our of my jobscope, wearing safety boots and helmets, wearing gloves and  'inspecting' the area is very different from my jobscope, answering calls, facing the computer. Even though the weather was damn hot, I was enjoying myself. The rest of my colleagues struggled on climbing the ladder down, they did it so slowly but I was not scared at all!
Am I in the wrong field?

Am I studying because I enjoy it? or because I need to? Sad truth ain't it.

After today's course, I will relook at my life again and PLAN what is the kind of life I wanna leave 5 years from now, 10 years from now.

3 questions from Ms Solastri(my sec sch eng/ lit teacher)
1) WHO AM I?
2) WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
3) WHERE AM I GOING?

Recently also had another work struggle. Users need help with interpreting the report, of course, on my end I wanna help. With them understanding, means they are able to solve my problem and long term, they will be able to understand and it helps them too!! but boss thinks otherwise, boss thinks they should sort it out on their own and we shouldn't be so kind. the other day i spent an hour with the user on the phone just to explain. With that, I lose an hour of my time trying to do my own work. Am I too nice to ppl?

In fact, my colleagues always tell my i got no temper. It's not that I don't, I just express it in a different way i guess. I write, I blog about them and curse them. But at the end of the day, by having office politics WILL NOT help you get your job done. that was my point.

Today, I am proud to say, I am earning enough to pay for my school fees, and my loan for my poly fees, for "jia yong" household expenses, to travel occasionally and save up for my future flat's renovation.

Not many people can do that at 22 years old.

I will work hard and do my best in everything! take a whole new perspective in life because life is just so short for you to be sad about... I am so stressed about my family stuff nowadays... $$$$$$$$$$$
why can't ppl think for themselves????
I took a high risk investment, I withdrew the bulk of my savings to lend my brother and hopes he return me on a monthly basis. Again, not many ppl do that at 22. I see my friend's elder siblings providing for them, but mine is the other way round.

I HATE IT.

thats why I can't wait to move out in 4 years time.
On a surprising twist to the story, my mum also cannot tahan,
also want to move out with me. haha

I will do up a restructuring plan and post it up on my blog, so I can review it in x years times to see where I am.

Before I forget, THANKS DEAREST(if you are ever reading), for your support during stressful days.
you are ORDing really soon and I super look forward to life after army, a life with you.

Lastly, shoutout to all readers :) thank you for being so loyal la!!

i want to say so many things but i am so tired to do it now

will update soon :)

Survey like the old days

You know in 2006 you do a 'survey' and if you were to do it again in 2013, the answers you fill will be different. This was done in Nov 06 ~ Sec 3 youthful days :) 

1. single,taken or crushin?
-SINGLE![2006]
-TAKEN!![2013]
2. are you happy with your life now?- yeps, i'm enjoying life![2006]
- Re-think. No. I can be happier. [2013]
3. when you meet the right person, will you fall for him/her fast?-its hard to see whos the RIGHT person without falling in love with him SLOWLY.[2006]
-Still stands true, i prefer slow romance :) 
4. have you had your heart broken?yar.[2006]
- Obviously :D who doesn't[2013]
5. do you believe there are circumstances where cheatin love is acceptable?nope, cheating is wrong![2006]
-Totally unacceptable. No room for negotiation[2013]
6. would you talk to someone back if he/she cheats on you?haha. nope.[2006]
- Talk to someone yes, but get together again is a straight no.[2013]
7. have you talk to another person about marriage before?ya. with my friends.[2006]
-Yes, with my significant other, ISHAM!!![2013]
8. do you wan children?in the future.[2006]
- Yes! [2013]
9. how many?3 is enough i think.[2006]
- Now i think 2 :) [2013]
10. would you consider adoption?if i'm unable to conceive.[2006]
-I will consider if i am unable to conceive or if i have the financial capability to help another child[2013]
11. if someone likes you right now, what do you think to let you know how his/her feelings?well.. confessing is part 1. accepting him is another part.[2006]
- Just say lor! haha no one likes me now anw :) [2013]
12. do you enjoy getting into relationships?as always, i love being loved and falling in love.[2006]
- Yes!! <3 is in the air. to be precise, i enjoy staying in a relationship. not getting into one. getting into one may be easy, but sustaining it requires a whole set of different skills.[2013]
13. be honest. what did you and your ex did?we did what couples did except having sex.[2006]
- Same answer since my ex was the same since 2006. LOL[2013]
14. do you believe in love at first sight?not anymore[2006]
- I do I do! Like you feel IN LOVE for that moment, but it just doesn't last.[2013]
15. are you romantic?not at all.[2006]
-Still no, right, isham?[2013]
16. do you believe that you can change someone?possible. but hard.[2006]
- No, For things to change, I must change first.[2013]
17. if you could marry somewhere. where would it be?new york[2006]
-Still NEWYORK!! haha any part of US will be good :) [2013]
18. do you easily give in when fighting?i've learnt how to fight hard in netball.[2006]
-I have damn weak mental strength. But i wll push my way through![2013]
19. do you have feelings for someone right now?maybe not.[2006]
- DUHHH~~~ [2013]
20. have you ever wish you could have someone but you messed it up?nah, im happy being me.[2006]
-happy with what i have now :)[2013]
21. have you broken a heart?yeah.[2006]
-who doesn't?[2013]
22. one day if your bestfriend fall in love with he/she that you are deeply in love with. what would you do?let the guy decide.[2006]
- I have the same answer, no point forcing someone who doesn't love me. [2013]
23. are you missing someone right now?nope. i miss my cliques.[2006]
-Yes, apart from babe who is doing guard duty at SFT, i miss my friends :) [2013]

now you have to ask 5 friends to do this survey on their blog. write down their names below. tag them in their blog to let them know and DON'T stop doing this survey. this survey have been going around. it makes people occupied. get started.and the 5 lucky people are?
Amanda, Weiqian,Jacinda,Sheryl, Jolene.

Please do as you wish!:)

whao... overwhelmed

 My Morning FREE breakfast. except that the workload that came was !~@#%^*
I  HATE IT I HATE IT!!! nontheless, tell myself i brave through this, it will make ma a better person.
Got to reach office early tomorrow ~
Had netball training for the bi-annual STSG which is held by the company.
Can barely last a quarter, which is very sad and demoralising, i was catching my break after a few sprints.
need to buck up!!

last Friday had the opportunity to watch The Script Concert. They sound as good as they are on CD. Will go for the 2nd one if they are coming again. Glen>Danny for me.... Awesome gig... been a long time since the last time i went for a concert...

Big commitment

On a very random day, 'Isham and I decided to try balloting for BTO,
just trying really. no concrete plans or anything. Then 4 months later suddenly we were at HDB signing documents.
Firstly, we have decided to keep it low profile and anw not many ppl read my blog, so... i thought i should blog my whole experience down. I really don't need anyone to question the stability of my relationship in any point.

We balloted for a 4 room at Keat Hong which was the best among all that were released in the same area so far, however, our queue no was 3rd from the last, which means... really bad.
We went to see the actual site and nearby amenities to see convenience... which is not too bad, really.
Selection started late dec whereas ours was only scheduled in Mar this year.
As time goes by, more and more of the units nearest to the LRT were taken up.
and because of the ethnic quota(had to follow malay first), cck seem to have many malays, i wonder why.
we were 1 queue short of our first choice unit, but quickly realised the benefit our 3rd choice(which we eventually got),firstly, the windows faces road which means unblocked view, no neighbours opposite my unit and neighbourhood park just beside our block, plans were made to build school at the opposite side of the road, which may be convenient? and hopefully more unblock views because the school can't be as tall as our floor!

Lastly, there will be a supermarket and childcare, fast food chain and foodcourt just nearby. :) no need travel too far... 1 sad thing is, because of the new regulation, our plans of getting a car have now been pushed back  and we have decided to get the flat instead.

The flat would be ready in 4.5years time, just enough time for marriage i guess?
by that time i would be 27, which is abit old ah.

The grant should be enough to see us through the downpayment, and based on calculation, no cash needed to top up for monthly HDB loan. what is more worrying are the furnitures and electronics and reno which will cost a bomb, the house itself is not an issue i guess.

Shall let the pic do the talking

Visited the showroom to give us some idea of how we want our reno to be. I like the 3 room deisgn best!!So cozy, just that the toilet is a major turn off

headed to JB after that to satisfy my craving for dimsum, because most dimsum contains pork, always had to give it a miss, so i was super happy to have found out that one of the hotels near JB actually got halal dim sum! and super cheap summore!! hahaha I was having a good time but dearest was struggling with the overdose of flour. HAHA he liked the fried beancurd skin with prawn and har gow though, i still like my chee cheong fun best! yummy!! after the buffet we were so full we had to walk lots of rounds in the shopping mall to digest the food. HAHA .den we went back sg to draw out plans on how we wanna reno and arrange our stuff, but was only halfway done >.<

Work tmr!! The script concert this fri!!!

It really has been awhile

Hi All, today I must share some of my grievances... 

As many of you would know I shifted to my new place about 2 weeks ago.

Spent almost $1k on really minor renovation(ok wait, this is not part of what i wanted to share, just an update)

got new study table which is overfilled with Dearest's handicraft from the past 5 years.

leaves me not much space and the table wasn't huge to begin with.

By the time i reach home after work at night, Mum would be asleep by then, so if i ever have to study, i would still need the dining table. As much as this house have given me lots of space as in literally, i can now do insanity workout freely and still have mum somewhere in the kitchen and bro&sis-in law in the room, Babe comes over to do insanity which leaves my marble flooring flooded with his perspiration, i think i gave up quite abit. i had to take up loans on behalf to make sure we have enough cash to pay for the house for the COV. The loan is 4 years, I have 2, and another one for my Poly school fees, which will be fully paid in 6 years. By the end of 4 years, hopefully BTO would be ready, I would be ready for marriage and *BOOM, HDB loan. So all in all, I have debts and will take donkey years to be debt free.

Although the loans taken to pay for the house are covered through my monthly allowance to mum  and  the rental that we collect, the thought of loans irks me. I don’t like how just because I am the only one in the family who can take up the loan(due to my monthly income), I have to do it?

Sometimes I wonder if I am being too selfish towards my own family member, a part of me tells me WTF ARE YOU THINKING? THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, YOU SHOULD HAVE NO DOUBTS IN LENDING THEM $ OR EVEN GIVING THEM. The other part of me tells me I need to safe keep my money, or else I will be as poor as them. As all of you would know I didn’t grow up in the best family, when I was younger, I stayed with my god-parents and also my nanny and panny(I refer them as), which I am thankful because they taught me life values which I probably will never get to learn in my own family, my goal from young was simple, I cannot follow my parent’s footstep, I don’t have to be extremely smart, but just enough to give me a stable job and stable income, I don’t  need to have a rich husband, just one that is with me when I need him.

Then eventually, I scored better than my bro in exams, went on to poly and obtained my diploma, even at graduation day no one came. Just Isham and I. At Sec sch’s achievers day, when I go up on stage, I felt no one was really proud of my achievements so far, my mum finds it a chore to go school for report book because I am usually ok in school. No issues or whatsoever. Lol, maybe that’s the result of being too independent,.

Mum I acknowledge her hardwork over the years hasn’t been easy on her but maybe because I didn’t spend my childhood with her, I am  not as close to her… So I also concluded that I cannot be a workaholic and spend enough time with my kids next time because in future I want them to be close to me, to share the problems they race in school.

Thankful also that my family have been welcoming to Isham ever since he got the opportunity to come over to my new house to help out with the cleaning and everything. Makes me think the initial years of doubts are worth to be proven over time…

The other day, dad asked me for $1k, I didn’t have that kind of money, I still have to pay for my course fees, school fees. Ever since I started working, I haven’t given him any money. Again, part of me says I should give because he is my dad afterall, another part of me tells me, what have he done for you so far? Was he there for you? To be honest after primary school I think he doesn’t even know where I study, what I do in school, where was I going? So.. I asked myself if he has really provided for me? Of course my dad and bro have the same pattern, when they are rich, they share with you their joy, but the rich period usually don’t last, most of the time they will be poor longer than they are rich, so at the end of the day, I become the one again because I have a stable income monthly so everyone starts borrowing money/ ask for money from me. Total burden to me, but is there something I can do?

I hope I can get married soon, but I am not ready, no one is ready for marriage, my house is not ready, then how to escape this? I am so tired because every month my bro will borrow money from me, seriously, if you are so poor den don’t get a wife? But no faults on his wife cus she isn’t exactly the most difficult person to mix with, shes ok… but seriously, how can any girl marry a guy that have no money sense.

How can anyone spend to the last cent and realize he doesn’t have anymore money and start to borrow? I told myself I cannot live like this. I cannot let this happen to me, my aim is simple. Get married and fuck off  literally, because if I continue to stay here I will get fucked.

Bullshit things isn’t it.  

Recently babe and I had a massive quarrel almost leading up to a breakup in fact I was 70% sure it was over until he my heart kinda soften after he bought and carried 50kg table and drawer from  Ikea… oh well. I am ugly but ok lor. there will always be pretty ppl around right? Just hope for the best until I die of old age… please… cannot take any more failure and heartaches and I cannot repeat mistakes and HISTORY!!! NO I MUST MAKE MY LIFE BETTER SWEETER AND EASIER THAN ANYONE ELSE.

Anw the other day we were at Isetan browsing through baby prams. $400 - $700++ also have.. seriously kids these days are so expensive to raise and NO, I am not pregnant and I am not looking into pregnancy at least for the next 3 years? I hope to finish giving birth by 30 or 31 latest cus I think my body will be too old to handle, and not sure if I have the time and energy at 31 to look after newborns…

OK RANT FINISH LIAO!!!

MORAL OF THE STORY IS EDUCATION CAN BRING YOURSELF OUT OF POVERTY, BUT PEOPLE AROUND YOU KEEPS YOU BACK IN POVERTY.

SHIT LIFE AINT IT

2013

Finally time for some 2013 new year resolutions...
#1 FAST, been procrastinating for 5 years, 4 rather. I need to work on this in 2013.
#2 EARN enough and INVEST
#3 GET A HDB FLAT THIS YEAR
#4 at least 5 runs this year
#5 go gym regularly
#6 pass my ACCA level 2 papers
#7 massive wardrobe makeover, need a new style for myself, new clothes, new make up ^^
#8 sentosa more often
#9 have a good year with babe
#10 holiday with colleagues/friends!

See how many i can complete.

GO ME!!

Been busy

Been really busy with work the past week.
Only get to reach home at 11pm most of the days,
and i see it coming for the coming 1 month.
jia you jia you.

in fact, i still brought home some journals to do -_-
like NOW.. while watching soccer.
haha. hope liverpool lose!!!

went for a movie earlier today, Wreck It Ralph, not bad quite touching...
felt stupid tearing over an animation but aiya...

went to make my glasses over the weekend. thought i never had to wear specs my whole life
but oh well, its the computer everyday, bound to wear...
hahaha hope eyesight wont get worst den...

school starts next week -_- why so fast...

new year reso?
talk about it soon.

for now i just want to finish my work!!!
and countdown to new year is not the thing for me now.
omg i am really getting old -_-

22/12

Went JB with dearest ytd.

the trip there was pretty smooth, about 30-45mins jam.

caught CZ12 on beanbag!!!

awesome! we paid $20 for both of us. which is equivalent to singapore weekend price

and best thing we were lying on the bean bag damn comfortable!!!

girlfriends, we should go one day also!!

CZ12 movie was not bad, at least i didn't doze off during the 2 hr show, engaging and funny.

lunch at Vivo, not bad, not cheap but good food minus the oil that comes with it...

den went to fulfill cravings like twist potato, auntie annes etc

got a pair of sandal and 2 dresses...

lastly went to AEON and shopped like crazy for my christmas goodie bag!

stuck in a huge jam and hence was late for Kevin's party.

was damn late i think we reached around 9+, made amanda and sp wait for me >.< opps.

but luckily we were late cus cake cutting was much later...

favourite picture of the day!! omg i think we aged x 10 years. ok ya. its 10years.

caught some parts of the AFF suzuki cup, yay SG are champions!!! :)

happy happy!

last min christmas shopping again!!!! >.< and tomorrow sure no mood to work but got so many things to do! HOW LEH!!! 

yes, run later

gotta start signing up for runs to get my motivation back -_-

SHOUT OUT TO MICH!! HELLO!!

MERRY XMAS IN ADVANCEAND HAPPY BELATED BDAY!! WHAT!!!!!!!!! hahaha

went to play kinect with the netballers last week...

unglam pics, i think we burnt sme calories before indulging in Itacho sushi, yumzzz

went to 4e1 class outing at Clem's house

The week before went Melinda's house for christmas party! good fun and fun!! 

met my poly friends earlier in the day

yay happy now!! my blog got pics already!! not so boring :) heh