Ramadan

4.30am. Mum knocks on the door before my alarm rings. Sahur is ready on the dining table.

5.00am. MIL calls to make sure we are awake

12.30pm. My desk neighbor who would usually lunch in, excused herself because she was worried the aroma would bother me

4.30pm. My colleagues remember that I am fasting and offered snacks in a container so I could have them after I broke my fast

7.12pm. On my way home, I broke my fast with individually packed Ajwa dates from a colleague  

7.30pm. I get home with dinner already prepared. Mum waits for me to finish Maghrib before she mops the floor.

8.10pm. The weather was colder than usual. It was slightly more comfortable in covered clothes and praying garment

8.20pm. The aircon from the classroom at the mosque is extended to the praying area

9.40pm. A couple walking their dog kept a lookout as I was walking towards them

9.50pm. Herbal chicken soup is cooking in the slow cooker

I want this to be a reminder to myself, should my faith ever be tested that He has blessed me with many wonderful people in my life. Alhamdulillah.

Missing my late cousin a little more today…

The Last Goodbye

The Last Goodbye

Last week, this time, I had just settled down in office after coming from SGH.
Visiting was finally allowed after a grueling wait.
We had spent the previous night in the hospital as he was shuttling between the OT and ICU and had 4 ops in less than 24 hours.
While things were looking slightly better, the docs warned he is still not out of danger

In the evening, we visited him again. His eyes barely open, he teared as Isham and I spoke to him
Isham noticed he had turned his face slightly, while I was too caught up in my own emotions.
it could have been that his eyes were not close completely, resulting in the tears we saw.
I told him he must jiayou and keep fighting.

We received good news near midnight that he is awake, showing signs of some consciousness.
The nurse asked if he was in pain, he twitched the left hand to indicate he was not.

The next morning, came even better news - he was breathing on his own and require only 'half' of the breathing support from the machine.

I had left for Batam positive that he will get well and is on his way to recovery.

Very soon, the news we didn't want to hear, came, that he might pass on in the ops with only a 10% chance. He made through the ops. 1 hour later,
his BP was dropping, organs were failing.
There was not much the docs could do.

I took the first ferry the next morning, riding on the same waves that took him away.

Broken

Gone too soon, too young.
I will remember him as a big brother who had so much love for people around him.

Perhaps, he had completed what he was meant to do in this world.

Till we meet again, ahde korkor.

April

Mixed feelings this month

I lost a dear cousin which I will blog in my next post.

I am finally graduating... been way too long

Dread

It has been a year since the last post and i m gg back to work tmr aft honeymoon. Sighhhhh when is the next holidays again?

Ridiculously long

What! 3 mths since my last post?
Time flies indeed. into the 2nd quarter of the year
Age seems to catchup quite abit.
work has been overwhelming as usual
and new boss hasn't been the best thing that happened
pissed me off totally. I am usually kind and not so judgemental
but he tested my limits. like really. haven't been so pissed with someone for a really long time

Isham has gone for a 9 week training
also a good time to catch up my studies and diet plan.
my exams end exactly the day he graduates.
InshaAllah that will be my last exam.
last week I was busy adapting to a new liftstyle all over again.
bothered by house, wedding plans.
this week I am pretty much settled down. and yay. finally can start on lecture 1!
not too bad right.... I am slightly less than 2 mths away!

Can't wait for our house to be done. excited maxxxxxxx!

busy

the last i remembered was studying for my exams,
rushing through year end work,
then preparation for wedding...

every week has been quite standard, travelling to the east to look at bridal stuffs
so tired to travel X.X
almost done with the bookings before we move on to the house!
the house will be ready much earlier than expected.
an Alhamdulillah, our finances have been well managed so far.

Chinese new year 2 weeks away. no feeel totally! just feel like eating junk only :)

Hope I can be an ACCA affiliate 2016. In sha Allah

Building on pain

I was alternating between the washroom and my desk.

Crying in the toilet yet I can’t make it too obvious

Dying to go home

Yet I can’t cry at home.

Rushed off to make my routine run only to be gasping for air and wiping my damn tears.

Stopped at a park with so many memories.

Texted a few friends

Felt lost

Yet I can’t show it. I cannot. I had to pretend nothing was wrong.

I don’t know how I survived this 1 year but I made it.

Only possible with the support of many encouraging friends.

And having faith that I am not walking this journey alone.

Only through You I see the slightest hope in my non-guaranteed future.

Thankful and only Thankful.

stressed

3 months to exams, feeling stress way way way too early.

shall take it positively. determined to complete for good!

not easy esp taking a paper with the LOWEST passing rate at 30%

but i need challenge. i need to succeed!

LEZZGO!!!!

Race against Racism and meet up with the 6F clique

Run at 4pm was crazy, clocked my slowest 10km ever,
Everyone was disturbed by the heat, cups were insufficient...
everyone just drank from the bottle. lol
baggage collection was a total burden. by the end of the run, i was looking too cui,
otherwise, i would have taken a pic with the sleague players!
went to ocbc arena to bathe before heading to chinatown to meet clique.

food was mediocre... company was good! :)
super funny and lots of inside joke, yd joined later.
round 2 at starbucks, round 3 at a bar which i cannot remember the name.
great everyone is doing well :)
meet up soon!

some words are left to be unspoken, of course if you know it wont change the current situation :)

lost

Today was a very unfortunate day...
I lost about 100+ RM, things happened too fast and I was in a rush,
i didn't even noticed what happened.
next moment i couldn't find my pouch!

Had a very bad feeling even before this whole incident.
like.. i just felt uneasy(feeling going to be robbed) hahaha!
and true enough it happened.

Thankful i didn't lose anything else :)
glad we had our dinner indoors, otherwise smth worst could have happened?

:)

我以為惡夢 不會一直纏著我

不是故意 讓自己變得不再像自己
為了你 拼命想拿一百分而努力
你卻 離我越來越遠的距離

back to hiding.

2XU Run

10km in a really long time.
Supposed to have this run in Mar but was postponed to Aug cus of LKY's passing.
my legs feel like 21km aftermath
super weak man... the sun was blasting hot, thankfully I was in the first wave...
not the most exciting of route and only had pocari sweat once at the water point..
but still not too bad a timing for a 9 mths hiatas!! :)

has been a wonderful weekend
dreaming about graduation hopefully by Aug next year!!
Thankful for my results
chiong ah!!

yay!

Alhamdulillah! Satisfied employee this mth!

If there is 1 thing that has not been compromised, it has to be my work.

I may complain alot but there is alot to learn and always room to grow!

May results be good next week and smoooooth work ahead! :)

Selamat Hari Raya Adilfitri

It was probably the only day in my life

I ate chicken beef, mutton, all in the same day.

it was overwhelming!!! and with all the gas-sy drinks

and no plain water for the whole day, it was no surprise I ended up with a really

bloated stomach and pain at the end of the day.

My fear of cats also showed cus both house I visited owned a cat!

Asking forgiveness is something not a usual chinese family would do

- at least for mine because people here don't even admit their own mistakes

and they cause you hurt and pretend nth happened.

and for someone like me who holds x1000000 grudges

it was really meaningful. I think thats one way to keep a family together too.

ie. whatever wrong doings will be forgiven.

I am the opposite!! lol I hope He can break me away from this family

so the harm can be really minimal in the future.

Maybe that's why things happened because He wanted me to distant myself.

Time mastery

So today I was on course = no work (yipeeeeeeee)
the trainer was good! engaging and throwing in some jokes.
shared w us alot of personal experiences...

What I took away from this course? LOTS!!
learning to be solution focused rather than problem centric.
Yes.. sometimes during meeting we can discuss alot abt the problem with no solution
and in life, I also tend to be very problem centric because I keep worrying about the problem
and although there is only so much I can do.... to come up with the solution...
It is still good to make the waiting process worthwhile

Thenn.... prioritizing tasks as always, making smart goals...
Then maintaining good relationships!
Very useful stuffs!

Some people are just here to bring in negativity to people around them.
Unfortunately their emotional instability can sometimes affect others
and this is sad.... you just feel unmotivated
you start questioning why you have to do this and that
and then soon you start removing people like these in your life.

Sure enough, when I have converted, there will be friends I lose,
there will be people talking about me. Go ahead and by all means.
I am not here to please everyone and please do not be a hypocrite!!
don't ever talk bad about me and pretend everything is alright infront of me.

Lesson to learn everyday. Hopefully will start my Tues positive..
short week this week(hooray!!!)

Had a busy week and expecting another busy week

So... after watching the WWE show in KL, we got to know they will  be having another show
in Singapore. Got one of the best seats! :) Happy! but must be like damn kiasu den can. lol
We were on the aisle of the walkway which is super near and I got to tap Lucha Dragon
(can't tell whether its Kalisto or Sin Cara's hands)
Definitely worth the price.
Awesome crowd! even better than KL i must say.
but it could have been because we were sitting at ground level and there got alot of enthu fans
:) Big E is big as usual, he was there at KL when we watched too...
Nikki Bella is chio!!
We had a choice for Kane's match against Dolph Ziggler and tables, chairs, cane were used!
wah damn nice!!!
Will definitely watch them again if they are coming back,
well.. John Cena said we've not seen the last of him/them so....
YAY!!! otherwise see you in America!

Ytd was uss again for volunteers appreciation night!
hahaha 3rd time in 3 consecutive months! kinda like the puss in boots ride, cheap thrill
but was hungry and Cylon wasn't very cooperative! was there in the q for at least 40mins
keep technical error!!!

Then this morning, woke up for Sahur to find out Argentina was already playing
initially I thought they were playing at 730am local time.
Maths failed badly.
Argentina wasn't playing at their best.
went into ET and then the penalties...
lost it. AGAIN!!
no ARGENTINA WHY?!?!!?!?!?!
WHY??!?! HIGUAIN???
It's so painful to watch my fav team lose manzzz!
and I always play the blame game on the opponent,
in this case Chile! guess what now i got 1 more to country to add on to Germany :) :)

Ok, next year aim to travel to USA!
please! save up! reno! soccer, wwe
waking up to bright sunshine, glass windows
and lots of outlet shopping :)

Then this evening was a really splendid evening, good food and good company :)

A Nila experience

While the memory is still fresh in mind,
this entry is for me to one day look back and reflect.

there are a few reasons why I chose to volunteer.
I knew I would definitely have a an experience - a different one
also because I like sports...

when I first found out I was posted to the shooting centre,
to be honest, I was abit sian. Sian because I know its not a sport as exciting as swimming/football.
but went ahead anyway.

Learnt new sport, strengthened my values,
worked with young people(feel young again)
some of them are only like 18/19. whuttttt
and then at the end of the day realised one of the guy is my sec sch junior. HAHA
I hope these kids do take away something from this whole experience :)

Shooting the sport itself requires alot of concentration,focus, perseverance,
the phone has to be on silent mode. lots of check before the actual shot is taken
with the headcover on, its really you vs yourself... i don't think they know how their opponents have fared. its a hit or a miss. so much concentration required...

one can be lagging at the initial few shots but can catch up and win the gold!!
Witness it at today's women 25m pistol.
nail-biting moments and the elimination quite cruel.. lol
the format of the game is very interesting
the top 8 from the qualifying round qualifies
yet when you reach the finals, you start from 0.
you can qualify as the 1st but not even make it to the top 3.
what I get from this is-
you may be slower/far from what you want/what people has
but at some point of your life, you're equal.
you will start at the same spot. Maybe that's Jannah :)
consistency is so important in this game...
and I kinda lost it somehow...

Then in events you are very much required to think on your feet which is good for people like me
who work day in day out with fixed routine, hardly have to make split decisions.

Enjoyed my first volunteering experience :)

Why worry about the future when you're not guaranteed tomorrow

I have 101 worries and I keep worrying about them and sometimes
have no solutions....

So many things happened recently, so much vulgarities, fighting, quarreling
these barbarians are exactly who I do not want as my husband

let me break away from a life like this pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

There comes a point when it's not that you don't care anymore, you just can't

Its like a repeat of history.
except this time, i was the one stopping 2 adults - my parents
again, why do i hv to go thru all these?

Backstreet Boys Back In Singapore IAWLT Tour

My first watching the backstreet boys.
First time listening to them dates backkk all the way to 2000
Where they had the millennium and it was a HITTTTTT
with I want it that way
Nick Carter was the youngest so he naturally became my favourite... haha
Didn't get a chance to see them in their previous tour, cus no money and no time
To be honest the tickets are really not cheap but super worth it.
they have awesome voices, they sound the same live, if not better.

The effect of a good concert? Major hangover even Isham cannot take it!
and he likes laughing at the way I sing the bsb songs....
Its gonna take at least a week before wearing off! HAHA
Howie kinda look better after I grew up! Whut?!?!
Brian is the friendlist of all, he went on to hug the fans sitting on top!
and hes probably the funniest among the rest!

Funny thing is growing up you'll not like bands of your age..
just like how I am not a mega fan of OneDirection.
The BSB, Westlife, Nsync era win hands down!
ahhh. thats sign of aging!
ytd I felt young again!! haha feeling #15
wish they sang a few more songs though..
how did I fall in love with you, if i knew then,
but they promise they'll be back soon so the next time must get front seats!
the guys behind me were probably there to accompany their girlfrends...
HARLOW, YOU PAY $170 to sit down isit? WATCH AT HOME BETTER LAH!
live must be high what! anw in the end they LL stand up also lah. HAHA
Screammmmmed until I had a very coarse voice
hangover till 230am before K.O

#fangirlmoment please be done soon
otherwise I cannot concentrate on work, studies!! LOL