Hi All, today I must share some of my grievances...
As many of you
would know I shifted to my new place about 2 weeks ago.
Spent almost $1k
on really minor renovation(ok wait, this is not part of what i wanted to share,
just an update)
got new study
table which is overfilled with Dearest's handicraft from the past 5 years.
leaves me not much
space and the table wasn't huge to begin with.
By the time i
reach home after work at night, Mum would be asleep by then, so if i ever have
to study, i would still need the dining table. As much as this house have given
me lots of space as in literally, i can now do insanity workout freely and
still have mum somewhere in the kitchen and bro&sis-in law in the room,
Babe comes over to do insanity which leaves my marble flooring flooded with
his perspiration, i think i gave up quite abit. i had to take up loans on
behalf to make sure we have enough cash to pay for the house for the COV. The
loan is 4 years, I have 2, and another one for my Poly school fees, which will
be fully paid in 6 years. By the end of 4 years, hopefully BTO would be ready, I
would be ready for marriage and *BOOM, HDB loan. So all in all, I have debts
and will take donkey years to be debt free.
Although the loans taken to pay for the house are covered through
my monthly allowance to mum and the rental that we collect, the thought of
loans irks me. I don’t like how just because I am the only one in the family
who can take up the loan(due to my monthly income), I have to do it?
Sometimes I wonder if I am being too selfish towards my own family
member, a part of me tells me WTF ARE YOU THINKING? THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY
MEMBERS, YOU SHOULD HAVE NO DOUBTS IN LENDING THEM $ OR EVEN GIVING THEM. The other
part of me tells me I need to safe keep my money, or else I will be as poor as
them. As all of you would know I didn’t grow up in the best family, when I was
younger, I stayed with my god-parents and also my nanny and panny(I refer them
as), which I am thankful because they taught me life values which I probably
will never get to learn in my own family, my goal from young was simple, I cannot
follow my parent’s footstep, I don’t have to be extremely smart, but just
enough to give me a stable job and stable income, I don’t need to have a rich husband, just one that is
with me when I need him.
Then eventually, I scored better than my bro in exams, went on to
poly and obtained my diploma, even at graduation day no one came. Just Isham
and I. At Sec sch’s achievers day, when I go up on stage, I felt no one was
really proud of my achievements so far, my mum finds it a chore to go school
for report book because I am usually ok in school. No issues or whatsoever. Lol,
maybe that’s the result of being too independent,.
Mum I acknowledge her hardwork over the years hasn’t been easy on
her but maybe because I didn’t spend my childhood with her, I am not as close to her… So I also concluded that
I cannot be a workaholic and spend enough time with my kids next time because in
future I want them to be close to me, to share the problems they race in
school.
Thankful also that my family have been welcoming to Isham ever
since he got the opportunity to come over to my new house to help out with the
cleaning and everything. Makes me think the initial years of doubts are worth
to be proven over time…
The other day, dad asked me for $1k, I didn’t have that kind of
money, I still have to pay for my course fees, school fees. Ever since I started
working, I haven’t given him any money. Again, part of me says I should give
because he is my dad afterall, another part of me tells me, what have he done
for you so far? Was he there for you? To be honest after primary school I think
he doesn’t even know where I study, what I do in school, where was I going? So..
I asked myself if he has really provided for me? Of course my dad and bro have
the same pattern, when they are rich, they share with you their joy, but the rich
period usually don’t last, most of the time they will be poor longer than they
are rich, so at the end of the day, I become the one again because I have a
stable income monthly so everyone starts borrowing money/ ask for money from
me. Total burden to me, but is there something I can do?
I hope I can get married soon, but I am not ready, no one is ready
for marriage, my house is not ready, then how to escape this? I am so tired
because every month my bro will borrow money from me, seriously, if you are so
poor den don’t get a wife? But no faults on his wife cus she isn’t exactly the
most difficult person to mix with, shes ok… but seriously, how can any girl
marry a guy that have no money sense.
How can anyone spend to the last cent and realize he doesn’t have
anymore money and start to borrow? I told myself I cannot live like this. I cannot
let this happen to me, my aim is simple. Get married and fuck off literally, because if I continue to stay here
I will get fucked.
Bullshit things isn’t it.
Recently babe and I had a massive quarrel almost leading up to a
breakup in fact I was 70% sure it was over until he my heart kinda soften after
he bought and carried 50kg table and drawer from Ikea… oh well. I am ugly but ok lor. there
will always be pretty ppl around right? Just hope for the best until I die of
old age… please… cannot take any more failure and heartaches and I cannot
repeat mistakes and HISTORY!!! NO I MUST MAKE MY LIFE BETTER SWEETER AND EASIER
THAN ANYONE ELSE.
Anw the other day we were at Isetan browsing through baby prams.
$400 - $700++ also have.. seriously kids these days are so expensive to raise
and NO, I am not pregnant and I am not looking into pregnancy at least for the
next 3 years? I hope to finish giving birth by 30 or 31 latest cus I think my
body will be too old to handle, and not sure if I have the time and energy at
31 to look after newborns…
OK RANT FINISH LIAO!!!
MORAL OF THE STORY IS EDUCATION CAN BRING YOURSELF OUT OF POVERTY,
BUT PEOPLE AROUND YOU KEEPS YOU BACK IN POVERTY.
SHIT LIFE AINT IT
