Cold Nostalgia

I'm Shilin! people call me SL,Worthless and Shalan. I'm not Shillings, mind you.

Monday, May 28, 2012 @ 6:05 PM

Coping well, i guess

Think I have been coping pretty well for the past 1 week.

Mixed feeling for dearest to be back, cus it just means I will be taking my exams for the next 2 days. I realise my ability to blog has deteriorate along with my frequency. While I still rely very much on words compared to vocals to express my thoughts and feelings, I hope it will not die off so soon cus I know there are secret readers who still pop by every now and then to read.

I admit I don’t have the most interesting blog, neither do I have the best photoshop skills, so do I not have the prettiest face. But I always believe the purpose of blogging, or at least for me is to jot down my thoughts and feelings, while I am thinking and typing. This is also the same reason why I do not have a twitter account. I strongly believe that I will abuse it by saying things on impulse that may hurt others or create commotion or feedbacks or attention which I don’t really need. I still feel comfortable here thinking of what to write just so I know 10 years down the road when I read this, I’ll be laughing at myself why I even typed this, and what the hell is going through my mind.

Speaking of that, I just read one of my older blogs which I think nobody has read it before. Think that was during my sec 2 to sec 3 transitions. It has been 6 years, and through these 6 years, it is obvious to tell how one writes, reflects the maturity of that person. I was immature, sadistic and pessimistic, I also realised I had many role models, friends I can relied on when my confidence level hit real low. Unfortunately, my focus now has to turn since meeting Isham in 07. It has always been tough trying to keep a balance between friends and bf. But understand I am trying my best.

Appreciate that I am able to attend poly, get a job and I am thankful that I am able to read and write, able to differentiate what’s good and bad

As such, I have an announcement to make. I will not be holding any 21^st birthday celebration. My rationale is simple, the best birthday present I want to receive is to spend quality time with everyone that appreciate in my life. Not a mere 3 to 4 hrs long party and I’ll see you in 3 to 4 years time. It defeats in purpose and I stand by it. Thus, my real birthday wish is to really spend time with all treasured ones. It doesn’t have to be this year, it can be as long as I live until I get married, be a mummy, have grandchildren. Best friends forever! BFF, you realised how it is a very simple word, but do you really mean it when you say you will be best friends for life?

I appreciate that I still have friends who always care about me, would initiate to meet me, I REALLY REALLY appreciate it, and those who don’t give up on me :)

Since Isham’s enlistment last year, I have been trying very hard to control my weight, again my reason is simple, I don’t want to look bigger than my boyfriend, because I surely know he will lose some weight during tough training. Which I did, and thankfully I did, I am a happier, more confident person now than 1 year ago when people still criticise my size, my looks. No I have nothing against them, and neither do I take it to heart. I know I needed to change and the change has to start from me. Thus, since Nov last year, I’ve been cutting intake of unnecessary carbs, snacking and have been exercising regularly since.

For someone who use to play sports and then to become so slow isn’t very motivating. I always wonder how the hell I did 10 rounds around football field for warm-up. To be honest, I never liked running. You can ask me to play sports and run, but definitely not pure running. Just 2 days ago, SY and I completed out 2^nd race together. Our first being Nike BFF run which Is a total flop. This time round, I think we really did awesomely well!!! Kudos to the both of us, we’ve never trained together but I think we just had a common goal. DON’T STOP!!! So we chionged until we reached the finishing line! Happy max. this is the first time I ran 10km without stopping, although the timing can be much better but I guess its not too bad for SY’s first 10km and my 2^nd 10km.

It is a good time for Isham to be away since I need to juggle work, studies and running all together, I need my 1 week break after exams!! Break as in break from attending lessons -_- miserable, I know. Lol. Holidays? Nah, I need to pay for my poly fees. Boohoo~ During the past 1 week dearest was away, everything simply took place damn zhun until I don’t know what to say… all I can say is fate is amazing…

Anw good news is… ISHAM and I finally started saving up!!! After 4 years right I know. Better late than never what!! Save up for the future! And many other plans I wanna carry out when I earn enough/ save enough.

To all taking ACCA exams, GOOD LUCK!! And all the best

To all random passer-bys and stalkers, HELLO!!!! lol

Friday, April 27, 2012 @ 9:33 AM

happy Friday

Been really a long time since i blogged.
I miss blogging, recently too many things happened at home..
I am overwhelmed, I don't know how to manage.

Thankfully i still have the weekends to share my woes with bf, friends.
Hope things get better.

Played Netball last week under the hot sun,
it was straight 8 quarters, really a test of my stamina. by last 2nd quarter i was dead, lazy legs....
But i never want to lose touch with this game, thankfully my company still has a chance for me to play once a year... although the people who play are like the same la! haha ehh siao siao... some ex netballers are really awesome k! i was playing GA and it totally sucks, i can't shoot for nuts, lucky my GS is pro one... haha... and good to know people from other departments too since my co is ermmm.. 20k odd people? want to meet also abit hard uh.

This week will be an awesome awesome week! good food, and making good progresses with jogging as well. 7.5km so far, alhough the timing is not the best due to me being slow and traffic light timing, i hope i can jog 10km without stopping, thats my aim for sundown :) and then maybe my mizuno and jurong lake i can start to improve my timing, one step at a time :) i should set my limit to 10km cus i know if i were to run more, my boobs will be at risk... hmmm...

Work has been quite the same i guess, more things to share this weekend with pictures hopefully :) i must start blogging often, really really!!!

Till then :) happy friday!

Thursday, April 12, 2012 @ 10:38 PM

Watch the 10pm cheating husband show until damn angry!!! Lol!!!! Stupid guy!!!!!

Friday, March 30, 2012 @ 10:34 PM

i cannot believe

I cannot believe what is happening before me.

I cannot accept the fact why things have to turn out this way

I cannot comprehend why it has to be me...

We don't ask for trouble free life.

my family background forces me to be independent.

not that i really chose to.

If you have no $ den don't take cab,

if you have no $ don't gamble

if you have no $, don't harm your family members financially.

we are only here trying to earn a living.

i am only here trying to fight a piece of what belongs to me.

I am only here to start building my own dreams.

Why are there so many obstacles??

Why is everything not smooth sailing?

Why do i have to grow up worrying bout having $ all the time.

if marriage is going to bring an end to it, i gladly would.

but no!!!! i must not and will not until i am mentally/ financially ready.

What i can do now is to bear with it for a few years.

and hope prince charming come save me soon.

I need a breather.

I am so tired of this....

Sunday, March 18, 2012 @ 12:37 PM

Friendship

As much as i DREAD talking about this topic.

I just felt i really need to put if off my shoulder.

had been troubling me since the incident which i am guilty about.

Spiritualjoy is my best listener, though she doesnt give any advice.

at least she hears me well.

troubled by the fact that i lost a friend, i lost him because of my own idiotic act to agree.

i know my friends will tell me its not my fault because it will still happen.

but i was acting like a catalyse. i speed up the process.

And because I WAS in the same ship 3 years ago.

I had the same thoughts, if you want me, you gotta break your ties with your friends.

Yeah in a relationship, truly it is always about partner vs friends.

unfortunately/fortunately my bf is as stubborn as i am, refused.

of course i was devastated. of course i was swearing

"you mean your friends are more important than our relationship?"

but he told me something more hurtful.. i forced him to do smth that he thought would hurt the bitchanate so he told me "he doesn't want to hurt the friendship"

again to me WTF at this point you're still thinking about YOUR FRIENDSHIP with HER?

GO TO HELL SERIOUSLY.

proof- you can actually back track my old blog post back in year 09. can't remember the date though, shld be July onwards...

then because he refused so badly, i wanted to take the initiative on his behalf.

yes, i am those kind, don't mess with my man or i'll go hell with you.

lol.. he refused too. wah really i think that was my worst period of my relationship...

he reassured me and stuff but hell when you're hurt reassurance like no use liao...

i think eventually he went to tell her like..

"MY GIRLFRIEND ASKED ME TO SAY..................."

ya, so it became like I WAS instructing him to do what he didn't want to say to her...

ok la... den i was thinking my reputation infront of his friends already tarnish.

if i stop him from meeting them ,my reputation as a gf is really can be trash...

so i act noble lor. let them meet. anw by forbidding ties is really avoiding the problem which to me isn't really solving the problem.

of course i believe there would be awkwardness, i have never met them in real,

and never will. my reputation is really at 0 and i really don't care...

3 years ago, the fact is u called him BEE, and to date you're still a bitch because of that.

YES FACE THAT BITCH.

i am not trying to be mean but pls la hor,

use your brain before you commit any actions.

but ok, not trying to be sour grapes but like hello! now isham is in NS, whos more afraid of losing who? TRY ME LOR ISHAM TRY ME!!!! HAHAHAHA

anw one wave after another, i hope the next party would be good!

but thankfully we have already broke the barrier, sorted out things before shit happens!

phew~~~~~~~

Saturday, March 03, 2012 @ 1:48 AM

Be thankful

S.H.E songs to bed today. can't ask for more.

Thanks for being the best :)

and my favourite quote last time "the bez man"

Saturday, February 25, 2012 @ 8:33 AM

shoutout to mag soh!

Hi mag!!!!!

long time no seeeee :)i just saw your tag, hehe

was lost in a sea of spams.. hehe

thanks much for your motivation <3

it is definitely tough now, but lets pull through this and life will get better right!!

lets jiayou tgt!!! :)

affiliates
Monday, May 28, 2012 @ 6:05 PM Coping well, i guess Think I have been coping pretty well for the past 1 week. Mixed feeling for dearest to be back, cus it just means I will be taking my exams for the next 2 days. I realise my ability to blog has deteriorate along with my frequency. While I still rely very much on words compared to vocals to express my thoughts and feelings, I hope it will not die off so soon cus I know there are secret readers who still pop by every now and then to read. I admit I don’t have the most interesting blog, neither do I have the best photoshop skills, so do I not have the prettiest face. But I always believe the purpose of blogging, or at least for me is to jot down my thoughts and feelings, while I am thinking and typing. This is also the same reason why I do not have a twitter account. I strongly believe that I will abuse it by saying things on impulse that may hurt others or create commotion or feedbacks or attention which I don’t really need. I still feel comfortable here thinking of what to write just so I know 10 years down the road when I read this, I’ll be laughing at myself why I even typed this, and what the hell is going through my mind. Speaking of that, I just read one of my older blogs which I think nobody has read it before. Think that was during my sec 2 to sec 3 transitions. It has been 6 years, and through these 6 years, it is obvious to tell how one writes, reflects the maturity of that person. I was immature, sadistic and pessimistic, I also realised I had many role models, friends I can relied on when my confidence level hit real low. Unfortunately, my focus now has to turn since meeting Isham in 07. It has always been tough trying to keep a balance between friends and bf. But understand I am trying my best. Appreciate that I am able to attend poly, get a job and I am thankful that I am able to read and write, able to differentiate what’s good and bad As such, I have an announcement to make. I will not be holding any 21^st birthday celebration. My rationale is simple, the best birthday present I want to receive is to spend quality time with everyone that appreciate in my life. Not a mere 3 to 4 hrs long party and I’ll see you in 3 to 4 years time. It defeats in purpose and I stand by it. Thus, my real birthday wish is to really spend time with all treasured ones. It doesn’t have to be this year, it can be as long as I live until I get married, be a mummy, have grandchildren. Best friends forever! BFF, you realised how it is a very simple word, but do you really mean it when you say you will be best friends for life? I appreciate that I still have friends who always care about me, would initiate to meet me, I REALLY REALLY appreciate it, and those who don’t give up on me :) Since Isham’s enlistment last year, I have been trying very hard to control my weight, again my reason is simple, I don’t want to look bigger than my boyfriend, because I surely know he will lose some weight during tough training. Which I did, and thankfully I did, I am a happier, more confident person now than 1 year ago when people still criticise my size, my looks. No I have nothing against them, and neither do I take it to heart. I know I needed to change and the change has to start from me. Thus, since Nov last year, I’ve been cutting intake of unnecessary carbs, snacking and have been exercising regularly since. For someone who use to play sports and then to become so slow isn’t very motivating. I always wonder how the hell I did 10 rounds around football field for warm-up. To be honest, I never liked running. You can ask me to play sports and run, but definitely not pure running. Just 2 days ago, SY and I completed out 2^nd race together. Our first being Nike BFF run which Is a total flop. This time round, I think we really did awesomely well!!! Kudos to the both of us, we’ve never trained together but I think we just had a common goal. DON’T STOP!!! So we chionged until we reached the finishing line! Happy max. this is the first time I ran 10km without stopping, although the timing can be much better but I guess its not too bad for SY’s first 10km and my 2^nd 10km. It is a good time for Isham to be away since I need to juggle work, studies and running all together, I need my 1 week break after exams!! Break as in break from attending lessons -_- miserable, I know. Lol. Holidays? Nah, I need to pay for my poly fees. Boohoo~ During the past 1 week dearest was away, everything simply took place damn zhun until I don’t know what to say… all I can say is fate is amazing… Anw good news is… ISHAM and I finally started saving up!!! After 4 years right I know. Better late than never what!! Save up for the future! And many other plans I wanna carry out when I earn enough/ save enough. To all taking ACCA exams, GOOD LUCK!! And all the best To all random passer-bys and stalkers, HELLO!!!! lol back to top?
Friday, April 27, 2012 @ 9:33 AM happy Friday Been really a long time since i blogged. I miss blogging, recently too many things happened at home.. I am overwhelmed, I don't know how to manage. Thankfully i still have the weekends to share my woes with bf, friends. Hope things get better. Played Netball last week under the hot sun, it was straight 8 quarters, really a test of my stamina. by last 2nd quarter i was dead, lazy legs.... But i never want to lose touch with this game, thankfully my company still has a chance for me to play once a year... although the people who play are like the same la! haha ehh siao siao... some ex netballers are really awesome k! i was playing GA and it totally sucks, i can't shoot for nuts, lucky my GS is pro one... haha... and good to know people from other departments too since my co is ermmm.. 20k odd people? want to meet also abit hard uh. This week will be an awesome awesome week! good food, and making good progresses with jogging as well. 7.5km so far, alhough the timing is not the best due to me being slow and traffic light timing, i hope i can jog 10km without stopping, thats my aim for sundown :) and then maybe my mizuno and jurong lake i can start to improve my timing, one step at a time :) i should set my limit to 10km cus i know if i were to run more, my boobs will be at risk... hmmm... Work has been quite the same i guess, more things to share this weekend with pictures hopefully :) i must start blogging often, really really!!! Till then :) happy friday! back to top?
Thursday, April 12, 2012 @ 10:38 PM Watch the 10pm cheating husband show until damn angry!!! Lol!!!! Stupid guy!!!!! back to top?
Friday, March 30, 2012 @ 10:34 PM i cannot believe I cannot believe what is happening before me. I cannot accept the fact why things have to turn out this way I cannot comprehend why it has to be me... We don't ask for trouble free life. my family background forces me to be independent. not that i really chose to. If you have no $ den don't take cab, if you have no $ don't gamble if you have no $, don't harm your family members financially. we are only here trying to earn a living. i am only here trying to fight a piece of what belongs to me. I am only here to start building my own dreams. Why are there so many obstacles?? Why is everything not smooth sailing? Why do i have to grow up worrying bout having $ all the time. if marriage is going to bring an end to it, i gladly would. but no!!!! i must not and will not until i am mentally/ financially ready. What i can do now is to bear with it for a few years. and hope prince charming come save me soon. I need a breather. I am so tired of this.... back to top?
Sunday, March 18, 2012 @ 12:37 PM Friendship As much as i DREAD talking about this topic. I just felt i really need to put if off my shoulder. had been troubling me since the incident which i am guilty about. Spiritualjoy is my best listener, though she doesnt give any advice. at least she hears me well. troubled by the fact that i lost a friend, i lost him because of my own idiotic act to agree. i know my friends will tell me its not my fault because it will still happen. but i was acting like a catalyse. i speed up the process. And because I WAS in the same ship 3 years ago. I had the same thoughts, if you want me, you gotta break your ties with your friends. Yeah in a relationship, truly it is always about partner vs friends. unfortunately/fortunately my bf is as stubborn as i am, refused. of course i was devastated. of course i was swearing "you mean your friends are more important than our relationship?" but he told me something more hurtful.. i forced him to do smth that he thought would hurt the bitchanate so he told me "he doesn't want to hurt the friendship" again to me WTF at this point you're still thinking about YOUR FRIENDSHIP with HER? GO TO HELL SERIOUSLY. proof- you can actually back track my old blog post back in year 09. can't remember the date though, shld be July onwards... then because he refused so badly, i wanted to take the initiative on his behalf. yes, i am those kind, don't mess with my man or i'll go hell with you. lol.. he refused too. wah really i think that was my worst period of my relationship... he reassured me and stuff but hell when you're hurt reassurance like no use liao... i think eventually he went to tell her like.. "MY GIRLFRIEND ASKED ME TO SAY..................." ya, so it became like I WAS instructing him to do what he didn't want to say to her... ok la... den i was thinking my reputation infront of his friends already tarnish. if i stop him from meeting them ,my reputation as a gf is really can be trash... so i act noble lor. let them meet. anw by forbidding ties is really avoiding the problem which to me isn't really solving the problem. of course i believe there would be awkwardness, i have never met them in real, and never will. my reputation is really at 0 and i really don't care... 3 years ago, the fact is u called him BEE, and to date you're still a bitch because of that. YES FACE THAT BITCH. i am not trying to be mean but pls la hor, use your brain before you commit any actions. but ok, not trying to be sour grapes but like hello! now isham is in NS, whos more afraid of losing who? TRY ME LOR ISHAM TRY ME!!!! HAHAHAHA anw one wave after another, i hope the next party would be good! but thankfully we have already broke the barrier, sorted out things before shit happens! phew~~~~~~~ back to top?
Saturday, March 03, 2012 @ 1:48 AM Be thankful S.H.E songs to bed today. can't ask for more. Thanks for being the best :) and my favourite quote last time "the bez man" :) back to top?
Saturday, February 25, 2012 @ 8:33 AM shoutout to mag soh! Hi mag!!!!! long time no seeeee :)i just saw your tag, hehe was lost in a sea of spams.. hehe thanks much for your motivation <3 it is definitely tough now, but lets pull through this and life will get better right!! lets jiayou tgt!!! :) back to top?