Building on pain

I was alternating between the washroom and my desk.

Crying in the toilet yet I can’t make it too obvious

Dying to go home

Yet I can’t cry at home.

Rushed off to make my routine run only to be gasping for air and wiping my damn tears.

Stopped at a park with so many memories.

Texted a few friends

Felt lost

Yet I can’t show it. I cannot. I had to pretend nothing was wrong.

I don’t know how I survived this 1 year but I made it.

Only possible with the support of many encouraging friends.

And having faith that I am not walking this journey alone.

Only through You I see the slightest hope in my non-guaranteed future.

Thankful and only Thankful.

stressed

3 months to exams, feeling stress way way way too early.

shall take it positively. determined to complete for good!

not easy esp taking a paper with the LOWEST passing rate at 30%

but i need challenge. i need to succeed!

LEZZGO!!!!

Race against Racism and meet up with the 6F clique

Run at 4pm was crazy, clocked my slowest 10km ever,
Everyone was disturbed by the heat, cups were insufficient...
everyone just drank from the bottle. lol
baggage collection was a total burden. by the end of the run, i was looking too cui,
otherwise, i would have taken a pic with the sleague players!
went to ocbc arena to bathe before heading to chinatown to meet clique.

food was mediocre... company was good! :)
super funny and lots of inside joke, yd joined later.
round 2 at starbucks, round 3 at a bar which i cannot remember the name.
great everyone is doing well :)
meet up soon!

some words are left to be unspoken, of course if you know it wont change the current situation :)

lost

Today was a very unfortunate day...
I lost about 100+ RM, things happened too fast and I was in a rush,
i didn't even noticed what happened.
next moment i couldn't find my pouch!

Had a very bad feeling even before this whole incident.
like.. i just felt uneasy(feeling going to be robbed) hahaha!
and true enough it happened.

Thankful i didn't lose anything else :)
glad we had our dinner indoors, otherwise smth worst could have happened?

:)

我以為惡夢 不會一直纏著我

不是故意 讓自己變得不再像自己
為了你 拼命想拿一百分而努力
你卻 離我越來越遠的距離

back to hiding.

2XU Run

10km in a really long time.
Supposed to have this run in Mar but was postponed to Aug cus of LKY's passing.
my legs feel like 21km aftermath
super weak man... the sun was blasting hot, thankfully I was in the first wave...
not the most exciting of route and only had pocari sweat once at the water point..
but still not too bad a timing for a 9 mths hiatas!! :)

has been a wonderful weekend
dreaming about graduation hopefully by Aug next year!!
Thankful for my results
chiong ah!!

yay!

Alhamdulillah! Satisfied employee this mth!

If there is 1 thing that has not been compromised, it has to be my work.

I may complain alot but there is alot to learn and always room to grow!

May results be good next week and smoooooth work ahead! :)

Selamat Hari Raya Adilfitri

It was probably the only day in my life

I ate chicken beef, mutton, all in the same day.

it was overwhelming!!! and with all the gas-sy drinks

and no plain water for the whole day, it was no surprise I ended up with a really

bloated stomach and pain at the end of the day.

My fear of cats also showed cus both house I visited owned a cat!

Asking forgiveness is something not a usual chinese family would do

- at least for mine because people here don't even admit their own mistakes

and they cause you hurt and pretend nth happened.

and for someone like me who holds x1000000 grudges

it was really meaningful. I think thats one way to keep a family together too.

ie. whatever wrong doings will be forgiven.

I am the opposite!! lol I hope He can break me away from this family

so the harm can be really minimal in the future.

Maybe that's why things happened because He wanted me to distant myself.

Time mastery

So today I was on course = no work (yipeeeeeeee)
the trainer was good! engaging and throwing in some jokes.
shared w us alot of personal experiences...

What I took away from this course? LOTS!!
learning to be solution focused rather than problem centric.
Yes.. sometimes during meeting we can discuss alot abt the problem with no solution
and in life, I also tend to be very problem centric because I keep worrying about the problem
and although there is only so much I can do.... to come up with the solution...
It is still good to make the waiting process worthwhile

Thenn.... prioritizing tasks as always, making smart goals...
Then maintaining good relationships!
Very useful stuffs!

Some people are just here to bring in negativity to people around them.
Unfortunately their emotional instability can sometimes affect others
and this is sad.... you just feel unmotivated
you start questioning why you have to do this and that
and then soon you start removing people like these in your life.

Sure enough, when I have converted, there will be friends I lose,
there will be people talking about me. Go ahead and by all means.
I am not here to please everyone and please do not be a hypocrite!!
don't ever talk bad about me and pretend everything is alright infront of me.

Lesson to learn everyday. Hopefully will start my Tues positive..
short week this week(hooray!!!)

Had a busy week and expecting another busy week

So... after watching the WWE show in KL, we got to know they will  be having another show
in Singapore. Got one of the best seats! :) Happy! but must be like damn kiasu den can. lol
We were on the aisle of the walkway which is super near and I got to tap Lucha Dragon
(can't tell whether its Kalisto or Sin Cara's hands)
Definitely worth the price.
Awesome crowd! even better than KL i must say.
but it could have been because we were sitting at ground level and there got alot of enthu fans
:) Big E is big as usual, he was there at KL when we watched too...
Nikki Bella is chio!!
We had a choice for Kane's match against Dolph Ziggler and tables, chairs, cane were used!
wah damn nice!!!
Will definitely watch them again if they are coming back,
well.. John Cena said we've not seen the last of him/them so....
YAY!!! otherwise see you in America!

Ytd was uss again for volunteers appreciation night!
hahaha 3rd time in 3 consecutive months! kinda like the puss in boots ride, cheap thrill
but was hungry and Cylon wasn't very cooperative! was there in the q for at least 40mins
keep technical error!!!

Then this morning, woke up for Sahur to find out Argentina was already playing
initially I thought they were playing at 730am local time.
Maths failed badly.
Argentina wasn't playing at their best.
went into ET and then the penalties...
lost it. AGAIN!!
no ARGENTINA WHY?!?!!?!?!?!
WHY??!?! HIGUAIN???
It's so painful to watch my fav team lose manzzz!
and I always play the blame game on the opponent,
in this case Chile! guess what now i got 1 more to country to add on to Germany :) :)

Ok, next year aim to travel to USA!
please! save up! reno! soccer, wwe
waking up to bright sunshine, glass windows
and lots of outlet shopping :)

Then this evening was a really splendid evening, good food and good company :)

A Nila experience

While the memory is still fresh in mind,
this entry is for me to one day look back and reflect.

there are a few reasons why I chose to volunteer.
I knew I would definitely have a an experience - a different one
also because I like sports...

when I first found out I was posted to the shooting centre,
to be honest, I was abit sian. Sian because I know its not a sport as exciting as swimming/football.
but went ahead anyway.

Learnt new sport, strengthened my values,
worked with young people(feel young again)
some of them are only like 18/19. whuttttt
and then at the end of the day realised one of the guy is my sec sch junior. HAHA
I hope these kids do take away something from this whole experience :)

Shooting the sport itself requires alot of concentration,focus, perseverance,
the phone has to be on silent mode. lots of check before the actual shot is taken
with the headcover on, its really you vs yourself... i don't think they know how their opponents have fared. its a hit or a miss. so much concentration required...

one can be lagging at the initial few shots but can catch up and win the gold!!
Witness it at today's women 25m pistol.
nail-biting moments and the elimination quite cruel.. lol
the format of the game is very interesting
the top 8 from the qualifying round qualifies
yet when you reach the finals, you start from 0.
you can qualify as the 1st but not even make it to the top 3.
what I get from this is-
you may be slower/far from what you want/what people has
but at some point of your life, you're equal.
you will start at the same spot. Maybe that's Jannah :)
consistency is so important in this game...
and I kinda lost it somehow...

Then in events you are very much required to think on your feet which is good for people like me
who work day in day out with fixed routine, hardly have to make split decisions.

Enjoyed my first volunteering experience :)

Why worry about the future when you're not guaranteed tomorrow

I have 101 worries and I keep worrying about them and sometimes
have no solutions....

So many things happened recently, so much vulgarities, fighting, quarreling
these barbarians are exactly who I do not want as my husband

let me break away from a life like this pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

There comes a point when it's not that you don't care anymore, you just can't

Its like a repeat of history.
except this time, i was the one stopping 2 adults - my parents
again, why do i hv to go thru all these?

Backstreet Boys Back In Singapore IAWLT Tour

My first watching the backstreet boys.
First time listening to them dates backkk all the way to 2000
Where they had the millennium and it was a HITTTTTT
with I want it that way
Nick Carter was the youngest so he naturally became my favourite... haha
Didn't get a chance to see them in their previous tour, cus no money and no time
To be honest the tickets are really not cheap but super worth it.
they have awesome voices, they sound the same live, if not better.

The effect of a good concert? Major hangover even Isham cannot take it!
and he likes laughing at the way I sing the bsb songs....
Its gonna take at least a week before wearing off! HAHA
Howie kinda look better after I grew up! Whut?!?!
Brian is the friendlist of all, he went on to hug the fans sitting on top!
and hes probably the funniest among the rest!

Funny thing is growing up you'll not like bands of your age..
just like how I am not a mega fan of OneDirection.
The BSB, Westlife, Nsync era win hands down!
ahhh. thats sign of aging!
ytd I felt young again!! haha feeling #15
wish they sang a few more songs though..
how did I fall in love with you, if i knew then,
but they promise they'll be back soon so the next time must get front seats!
the guys behind me were probably there to accompany their girlfrends...
HARLOW, YOU PAY $170 to sit down isit? WATCH AT HOME BETTER LAH!
live must be high what! anw in the end they LL stand up also lah. HAHA
Screammmmmed until I had a very coarse voice
hangover till 230am before K.O

#fangirlmoment please be done soon
otherwise I cannot concentrate on work, studies!! LOL

Eye sore

If one eye sore is not enough, welcome to the latest addition, a new person i hear fighting with, vulgarities.

God, can you please free me from this kind of life?

Why do people of minimal education thinks being loud is the way to solve problems. Making people feel intimidated is the way to solve problems, how can they live day by day with no plans, no house, no future, no money.

God, please grant me the beautiful patience I always needed.

I have failed in every aspect of life. I feel unmotivated. Dont know why i am working so hard for.
Family in a mess i wish to get out of
Hais... i just want to live w my small lil family out of all these bad influences.
Study failed
Work has been such a toughass recently
Getting cheated on when i am half a step into settling down.
Why am i working so hard for? For who? For what?

Will I be happy? If i am unsure, let this be my temporary escape. 1 yr 4mths. Pls be here soon.

What a Week!

Been a tough week feeling super inefficient

unfamiliar with new files etc

hope next month will be better.

spent like a whole day trying to fix up variances is such a waste of time!

neglected a few of my colleagues i was suppose to handover!

sighhhhhh

JIAYOU!!!

Can't wait to 摆脱 this kind of life. countdown?

Steep learning curve

So ytd was my first official day of washing hand off my current job scope
and taking on new job scope. yay!
I got the jobscope I wanted, and though its heavily, colleagues think it is a good platform
and area to learn!
I should be thankful yet I can't wait to get out of this learning phase....
hardest period

best part is when u ot till 11pm and brain half dead
the taxi uncle decides.... to prank you on APRIL FOOLS
HE GOT ME TOTALLY!!!
he was like.. you going geylang right when i already indicated my address in the app
during the booking. haha epic!!

A tribute

I was one of the Singaporeans who did not make it to the Parliament house to pay my last respect to our founding father, Mr Lee.

That of course doesn't make me any less Singaporean nor does it make me an ungrateful bitch.

The fact is - the human nature is to feel at loss and gratitude towards someone only after one passes away.

Singaporeans love to complain and I am just like one of the many...

I am not a PAP fan.... I have my own ways of thinking and opinion of how things 

can be done better. 

We can't please everyone...
but I am still thankful for things he have done...

Dreams again

So the other day the name 'Joseph' kept ringing in my head while I was asleep...
I only had time to read through the Quran yesterday on Prophet Yusuf(arabic for Joseph)
and I AM SHOCKED!!! THIS CANNOT BE COINCIDENCE!!!
It is a beautiful story of how he was put into very difficult situations
eg. bro abandoning him at the well and he actually trusted them
accused of his employer's wife seducing him and commit sin.
He eventually went to jail but was positive abt it.
He turned to Allah.

Everything ‘wrong’ that was happening in his life, was because of their evil plots; it was all actually a part of a preordained plan decreed by Allah, through which He intended to teach Yusuf how to ‘interpret matters (stories and events)’.
Instead of developing a ‘victim’ mentality: questioning/complaining about what Allah had decreed for him, spiraling down a self-destructive path of self-pity, and blaming/badmouthing his antagonists for the things that they had done to him, he instead started propagating beneficial knowledge to the inmates around him.

Whenever you hit rock-bottom in life as a result of the evil actions of your haters and antagonists, who take advantage of your righteousness to deliberately defame you, slander you, threaten you, and less commonly, to throw you out on to the street - don’t give up on life, and stay positive, the way Prophet Yusuf did. Believe without a doubt that whatever bad happens to you in life, is in some unbeknownst way, extremely good for you.

It might take time (even years) but retribution will come, and remember that Allah is always in control over your affairs. No one can harm you more than what is decreed for you.

And know that whatever outward “harm” or pain is decreed for you, surely some long-lasting and beneficial good will come out of it; one that will raise you in honor and rank, in both this world and the next.

when you are dealing with people who can deliberately lie even to their parent in order to permanently ‘get rid of’ a sibling, - you need to be discreet and subtle in not letting them know about your personal success and achievements.

This is the final and most beautiful lesson to be learned from chapter Yusuf in dealing with difficult people: forgive them when they ask for pardon/admit their mistake, do not take revenge, and thenceforth dwell cordially with them.

Very few of us have family members plotting to kill us off. If Prophet Yusuf could forgive his brothers for ‘ruining’ his youth (apparently) and separating him from his parents for so many years, we can also try to forgive those who wrong us on a much lesser level, especially if they ask for pardon and change their behavior
source

I just cannot~~~ 100% relevance!!! awedddddddddd

Handover been crazyyyyy :(
Still tryna get the hang of it!

Escape

This year i chose to avoid.
Broken ties, quarrels, buay gum
Just needed a break
At leasttt i can enjoy myself! Hehe

Thank you and wish all reader a happy mehhhh mehhhh year.
Lots of love!

ahhhhhh

Job rotation is confirmed,
I will be doing new stuffs soon!
not sure if I can cope but I can do it!

Into week 6 of classes, 4 more to go.
Then on to prayers class! flies.
Then the last week the Ustaz mentioned about
1) people who borrow money from you and just go off
2) domestic violence - bad relationships

Here I can only say...
Tested... and more tests coming up.
Only He knows.

Be appreciative when you have
and be patient when you don't

patience patience...
do more good than bad
live in a place with no worries, no pain.

Emo...

Those days we didn't have to do much but were happy.
we try to do so many things now but are we happy?

Because the trust was too much, the hurt too deep.

誰還記得是誰先說　永遠的愛我
以前的一句話是我們　以後的傷口

3

busy time flies!

been 3 month of pain.

and still pain! though a little less

Credits to a FB page. Just sharing!!

All praise be name of ALLAH (swt )

Five reasons why Allah uses problems...... ??

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you - depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how Allah wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring.

Here are five ways Allah wants to use the problems in your life:

1. Allah uses problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways." 2 Allah uses problems to INSPECT you. People are like tea bags...if you want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot ever water! Has God tested your faith with a problem What do problems reveal about you? "When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience."


3. Allah uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove.... But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something... health, money, a relationship. .. by losing it. "It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws."

4. Allah uses problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. We know the story of Prophet Yusuf. He was sent imprisoned for false accusation which brought ultimately security to him n helped him to refrain himself from contacting with bad people.

5. Allah uses problems to PERFECT you. Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you're going to take with you into eternity. "We can rejoice when we run into problems...they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady."

Here's the point:

God is at work in your life - even when you do not recognize it or understand it.

But it's much easier and profitable when you cooperate with Him.

"Success can be measured not only in achievements, but in lessons learned, lives touched and moments shared along the way"

Allah Knows Best...

Great Week

Peak has finally died down and going home at 6pm is such a blessing!
Thank God for tiding me through this!
Gymmed on Friday
Then ran 10km on Sat
Gymmed today again!
ahhhhhhh love the time.

BCI classes have been enjoyable so far.
Ustaz is funny, class is always fast to end,
every week I am learning new things! :)

saving up! :)

Productive Day

Ytd went to gym after work then ate my Fav Mee Hoon Kuay!!
2nd fav after jp's ban mian. lol

Woke up early for a run this morning
5km in less than 30mins! haven't hit that outdoor for a long time
brought work home to do cus can't finish
did a little now imma go for class!!! yay!

Over?

Finally I am able to take the train back for ermmm 3 weeks?
Damn broke now cus all in the cab fare that I took for 3 weeks. lol
Deadline been super tight and trying new things this year so...
make it or break it >.<
but been good so far, sleep has been zzzzzzz really minimal.
weekends sleeping late is such a waste! really!
its like waking up and realising half the day is gone! and then before you know it, Mon is here again
vicious cycle like everyday is the same...

yay. almost over, just the last lap..
school has started I don't even have time to register.
missed 2 weeks of classes
gonna catch up!! and can't afford to miss any. MUST FINISH ACCA THIS YEAR!!!

Sat was my first BCI class.
Me...and Nadia(s)... just.... cannot...
SUAY MAX DE LOR. finish this one see another one.
last warning!!!
inner peace pls!!!

Listening to Timber still reminds me of Rojo crying :(
gahhhh still sore over Germ's win over Argentina
on a brighter side, Ronaldo won!!! :)

ok this post super random until I also don't know what I talking...

Running not doing the job now. trying intervals.
sian....

full force

been working day and night >.<
Hope i pull through this mth.
managed to run 3/3 days! yay!!!

I CAN DO IT!!! so tired >.<

Looking back and ahead

2014 went pass very fast. Faster than expected.

it felt like a few months ago I was still doing year end closing for 2013 and now… I am doing 2014.
2014 has been a year of rough sea for me, though it also has a fair share of smooth and happy days.
I was promoted in 2014 after working for 2.7 years!
In my working life, I am not looking at out-doing my peers/colleagues.
My perspective is always to do it once and do it right, opportunities don’t come knocking all the time,
always be willing to try new things even though you may not like it or be confident about it.
It is just another platform for you to shine, and who knows.. Maybe it’ll change how the boss thinks about you and of course, career advancement.
I always take pride in what I do, although I know I can give substandard results. Lol. sometimes time is so tight you can only do the bare minimum.
I also made a few mistakes this year and will learn from it though my bosses didn’t really give me a big scolding which I am grateful for,
but it only makes me more guilty >.<

Family and love life have been in such a mess. I don’t even know where to pick myself up from.
I am thankful for the love everyone showered me. I am so blessed with nanny&panny/friends and colleagues
who offered me a place to stay when I had trouble.
comforting words from the policeman who understood my position.
confrontation friend making sure I am not too soft hearted. In the end I am still soft-hearted.
Just when I thought I have found the escape route from the reality into the future….
I was locked out.
one thing for sure, no matter how my life knocks me down, I am always gonna fight. I won’t give up!
I always ask WHY ME???? I don’t deserve this.
but I realized it’s because I CAN HANDLE THIS and that’s why I am given this!

On a bigger scale, this year hasn’t been the best.
Planes missing, crashed then missing again. so painful thinking about it.
Disasters, floods, murders, killing.
Why? Like why it happened?Just because some bad events happened to me this year, I cannot label it as a very bad year!
Some had it worse.
I may be going through a lot of emotional pain, but that’s nth compared to the loss of a loved one.
or, someone out there worrying 3 meals a day.
At least, I am blessed with a stable job and healthy body.

Moving forward to 2015, I hope to achieve new things!
-Learn abt the religion,fast
-Complete my ACCA
-Seagames volunteer
-Scuba Diving
-More time with friends/loved ones
-Save more $