been a month!
wish i could run today but the weather wasn't kind at all.
rainy season... gahhh
pain still there. wish i could live without thinking/talking about it.
but its the first thing on my mind every single day
every single night.
i dont even know what I am talking about now. lol
this worse than a bitch asshole deserves the ultimate.
hope her husband leaves her when she get married and have children
hahahaha. ok i am so mean. but no one will be nice to anyone who is mean to you FIRST right?
painful thoughts i still can't get rid of.
why did you ever let it happen?
i will walk out of this stronger!!!
if u are my loyal reader, you shld alr know loyalty/faithfulness is #1.
there are too many people around me that disappointed me with tt.
it hurts but that's really the last thing I thought will happen
despite reminders, warnings. he fell for it.
I fell out of love.
WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 7 years of hard work, sacrifices, learning the religion, fasting
I was alr trying so harddddddd
over that black gums, smoking,drinking bitch?
I still think she is NTH compared to me.
really. I am WAY WAYYYYYYYYY better than her
well... u just lost the title of being a dream guy
i still hold as dream gf. YAY!! haha
Friday, November 28, 2014
Monday, November 17, 2014
Monday, November 10, 2014
Day 14
Ytd I went for GE Run, my second, after missing last year's due to rain.
Sy was late so we flagged off together with the 5km, then diverted at road split.
Since there were few 10km peeps running, we had plenty of spaces!
one of the best not so tired run so far,
but because we started quite late so.. the sun was not friendly at all...
in my mind other than the my pain was... faster finish very hot!
Finished slightly over an hr, which is yay! not bad.
The route was good man! uturns but no narrow roads and constructions
and kallang river only at the last stretch, no MBS as well.
trademark Nicoll highway still have la!
after the run, we queued for free Towel, garlic bread, fiber drink, choco milk, passionfruit drinks,
loads!! of cereal bars, nandos chicken, just missing out on the ice cream and muffins
haha! Thank you Sy for the belated bday gift. appreciate it!
we queued 3 times for the cereal bar, each time they gave 4, and is full size!!!
so generous, hehehe!
no long queue at baggage area too! everything was great except the tupperware lady
was being damn stuckup over the free small tupperware container they were giving out
she was like 你不要，后面的人都要抢 cus we asked for 2. and there was only 1 last available
wah lao... damn kiamsiap pls.
then headed home without rest!! haha not very tired, don't know why.
At 1.45am, the car alarm rang AGAIN!!!
gosh! carpark is just directly opp and i couldn't sleep at all.
blasted music. haha
'Isham was being sweet, he drove to my house at 2+am so I could rest in the car without the noise.
When he reached, the police came and I think the owner was already there to fix the car alarm.
didn't have much rest last night... hope tonight will be smooth, otherwise I can go bang the wall
seriously!!!
days like these he makes me go softhearted despite what he has done...
sigh!!!
2 days ago had a dream so much to read from it,
God is amazing!
+5
Sy was late so we flagged off together with the 5km, then diverted at road split.
Since there were few 10km peeps running, we had plenty of spaces!
one of the best not so tired run so far,
but because we started quite late so.. the sun was not friendly at all...
in my mind other than the my pain was... faster finish very hot!
Finished slightly over an hr, which is yay! not bad.
The route was good man! uturns but no narrow roads and constructions
and kallang river only at the last stretch, no MBS as well.
trademark Nicoll highway still have la!
after the run, we queued for free Towel, garlic bread, fiber drink, choco milk, passionfruit drinks,
loads!! of cereal bars, nandos chicken, just missing out on the ice cream and muffins
haha! Thank you Sy for the belated bday gift. appreciate it!
we queued 3 times for the cereal bar, each time they gave 4, and is full size!!!
so generous, hehehe!
no long queue at baggage area too! everything was great except the tupperware lady
was being damn stuckup over the free small tupperware container they were giving out
she was like 你不要，后面的人都要抢 cus we asked for 2. and there was only 1 last available
wah lao... damn kiamsiap pls.
then headed home without rest!! haha not very tired, don't know why.
At 1.45am, the car alarm rang AGAIN!!!
gosh! carpark is just directly opp and i couldn't sleep at all.
blasted music. haha
'Isham was being sweet, he drove to my house at 2+am so I could rest in the car without the noise.
When he reached, the police came and I think the owner was already there to fix the car alarm.
didn't have much rest last night... hope tonight will be smooth, otherwise I can go bang the wall
seriously!!!
days like these he makes me go softhearted despite what he has done...
sigh!!!
2 days ago had a dream so much to read from it,
God is amazing!
+5
Wednesday, November 05, 2014
6 years 11 months interracial
We were 2 weeks shy of the BIG 7 milestone.
Anw, just to jot down my 7 years experience...
round off la, +- courting days
We were courting for about at least 6 mths before we were officially together.
at 16 year old, no one at that age wld think about spending your life with the 16yo boyfriend.
So naturally, we just followed our hearts, entered into a relationship
not knowing what is really ahead of us.
This is falling in love.
The tough part was always how to sustain the love.
I came from a buddhist family, I had no Altar at home but would still pray during special occasions
He came from a strict muslim family.
Before this, I had limited knowledge on Islam, I know they fast during the fasting period, they can't eat pork they can't touch dogs and that's probably about it.
It was only much later I knew they needed to eat halal-certified food.
When I was with him, I got to try alot of food I wouldn't try if I were alone...
Indian muslim food, even prata i would only stick to egg and kosong.
I am not very adventurous when it comes to food but he opened the world of food to me.
By nature, I don't really eat pork, all I can remember is charsiew, roasted pork
so it wasn't that tough to take pork away from my diet.
When we first got together, I told my mum about it.
I am someone who rather tell than let the person find out if really there is smth to hide.
She was disappointed with me, firstly for dating at such a young age.
secondly, it had to be a malay.
Objection max!! she would tell me things like break up or leave the family
and how all these bgr will affect my poly years.
For him, he had to lie so we could go out together
I was determined to prove her wrong...
for everyone who doubted us, we were strong to prove everyone else wrong.
Time will tell.... we said.
We were still drawing pocket money, we did alot of cheap/free things
like soccer, roller blade, just chilling by the park but we enjoyed it.
I had work on sundays and he would wait for me to end work to have dinner together.
Friends would ask me, why malay?
Honestly, there isn't a specific reason why, sparks, love just happened!
I can't explain either...
when we were together, even after many years, I don't feel we came from different race and religion
I feel like a normal couple when we go out, he don't look very malay pls no heavy malay slang
so I don't really feel it.
It was not until the 3rd year that he was introduced to my family in proper
and I met his parents for the first time during his POP 3 years ago?
Getting acceptance from the parents wasn't easy, but we were right,
time will tell and I cannot be anymore grateful for accepting us.
His parents always make me feel very welcomed,
his house decorated with lots of family pictures,
his mum knows exactly what and when each son is working/shifting even if they don't stay together.
perks of a housewife*
alot of things to say, even though her eng vocab is limited, humorous, just how I wish my own family will be like :)
So after many years, I decided, this is the man of my life!!!!
even before he popped the question. HAHA
I can't find anyone else who love me this much
who appreciates me this much
who I share similar interest
and most importantly, I love him.
even so, I didn't fast until this year.
He once told me long time ago, he didn't want me to convert because of marriage.
At that time, in my mind was like, of cus it had to be because of you! If not I convert for what?
years later i asked myself, if he is the man of my life, am I willing to convert?
long thought.... my answer is yes.
So I fasted this year. AMAZING discipline, even when I think back now i don't even know
how I could have done it. Can you imagine waking up at 4+ to cook...
and eating rice in the morning.
then on the first day of Ramadhan, i attended the first 'class'
knowing Islam, a few times I teared, but I also don't know why I teared.
Maybe because I've never felt so close to God? I don't know, maybe I was having a really down time,
and the teacher was spot on, I remember vividly he said, forgive him, because on judgement day, he will pay for his sins.
at the end of the session, I was amazed, more interested to know about the religion
everyday before I start my fast, just whisper a little prayer for strength to last me through the day.
during that time, I had the energy to swim and run...
My mum, colleagues and friends were very accommodating.
I fasted on my own accord. some ask if it was really necessary....
Well, no harm trying, really...
I didn't have the chance to continue my lessons though.
I would have loved to and really it takes alot to be a good Muslim,
I like how peaceful it is to be in the mosque
short prayer just you and him,
some things you don't even have to say and He know....
Anw, my breakup proved a point that He exists and He is watching.
I am amazed by how everything falls in place and it really cannot be just pure coincidental.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
6 yrs 11 mth I think we have learnt alot from each other.
so much that when I started working, our routine became pretty mundane
dinner, gym, run...
that's pretty much about it.
I believe it takes 2 hands to clap, and I am sure from this pain,
there are things I also have not done well enough,
Things I will seek to improve to be a better individual.
Please guide me and show me the best path!
Still heart broken but pretty sure I will walk out of it soon! :)
Anw, just to jot down my 7 years experience...
round off la, +- courting days
We were courting for about at least 6 mths before we were officially together.
at 16 year old, no one at that age wld think about spending your life with the 16yo boyfriend.
So naturally, we just followed our hearts, entered into a relationship
not knowing what is really ahead of us.
This is falling in love.
The tough part was always how to sustain the love.
I came from a buddhist family, I had no Altar at home but would still pray during special occasions
He came from a strict muslim family.
Before this, I had limited knowledge on Islam, I know they fast during the fasting period, they can't eat pork they can't touch dogs and that's probably about it.
It was only much later I knew they needed to eat halal-certified food.
When I was with him, I got to try alot of food I wouldn't try if I were alone...
Indian muslim food, even prata i would only stick to egg and kosong.
I am not very adventurous when it comes to food but he opened the world of food to me.
By nature, I don't really eat pork, all I can remember is charsiew, roasted pork
so it wasn't that tough to take pork away from my diet.
When we first got together, I told my mum about it.
I am someone who rather tell than let the person find out if really there is smth to hide.
She was disappointed with me, firstly for dating at such a young age.
secondly, it had to be a malay.
Objection max!! she would tell me things like break up or leave the family
and how all these bgr will affect my poly years.
For him, he had to lie so we could go out together
I was determined to prove her wrong...
for everyone who doubted us, we were strong to prove everyone else wrong.
Time will tell.... we said.
We were still drawing pocket money, we did alot of cheap/free things
like soccer, roller blade, just chilling by the park but we enjoyed it.
I had work on sundays and he would wait for me to end work to have dinner together.
Friends would ask me, why malay?
Honestly, there isn't a specific reason why, sparks, love just happened!
I can't explain either...
when we were together, even after many years, I don't feel we came from different race and religion
I feel like a normal couple when we go out, he don't look very malay pls no heavy malay slang
so I don't really feel it.
It was not until the 3rd year that he was introduced to my family in proper
and I met his parents for the first time during his POP 3 years ago?
Getting acceptance from the parents wasn't easy, but we were right,
time will tell and I cannot be anymore grateful for accepting us.
His parents always make me feel very welcomed,
his house decorated with lots of family pictures,
his mum knows exactly what and when each son is working/shifting even if they don't stay together.
perks of a housewife*
alot of things to say, even though her eng vocab is limited, humorous, just how I wish my own family will be like :)
So after many years, I decided, this is the man of my life!!!!
even before he popped the question. HAHA
I can't find anyone else who love me this much
who appreciates me this much
who I share similar interest
and most importantly, I love him.
even so, I didn't fast until this year.
He once told me long time ago, he didn't want me to convert because of marriage.
At that time, in my mind was like, of cus it had to be because of you! If not I convert for what?
years later i asked myself, if he is the man of my life, am I willing to convert?
long thought.... my answer is yes.
So I fasted this year. AMAZING discipline, even when I think back now i don't even know
how I could have done it. Can you imagine waking up at 4+ to cook...
and eating rice in the morning.
then on the first day of Ramadhan, i attended the first 'class'
knowing Islam, a few times I teared, but I also don't know why I teared.
Maybe because I've never felt so close to God? I don't know, maybe I was having a really down time,
and the teacher was spot on, I remember vividly he said, forgive him, because on judgement day, he will pay for his sins.
at the end of the session, I was amazed, more interested to know about the religion
everyday before I start my fast, just whisper a little prayer for strength to last me through the day.
during that time, I had the energy to swim and run...
My mum, colleagues and friends were very accommodating.
I fasted on my own accord. some ask if it was really necessary....
Well, no harm trying, really...
I didn't have the chance to continue my lessons though.
I would have loved to and really it takes alot to be a good Muslim,
I like how peaceful it is to be in the mosque
short prayer just you and him,
some things you don't even have to say and He know....
Anw, my breakup proved a point that He exists and He is watching.
I am amazed by how everything falls in place and it really cannot be just pure coincidental.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
6 yrs 11 mth I think we have learnt alot from each other.
so much that when I started working, our routine became pretty mundane
dinner, gym, run...
that's pretty much about it.
I believe it takes 2 hands to clap, and I am sure from this pain,
there are things I also have not done well enough,
Things I will seek to improve to be a better individual.
Please guide me and show me the best path!
Still heart broken but pretty sure I will walk out of it soon! :)
Tuesday, November 04, 2014
Day 8 and BIRTHDAY
Been a week since my world crashed!
and I SURVIVED!!! YAY i ought to be happy about it right? :)
last weekend spent it at Abg Isk and Mysha's wedding.
part of me wants to attend the wedding,
part of me was soft-hearted
inside I am still bleeding, though not profusely...
Thankful to his parents, bother and sis-in-law for their understanding.
it wasn't easy controlling the tears whenever someone ask are you ok?
in fact, this time, his cousin had to take me a walk down the memory lane
and remind myself how we fell for each other, what I liked about you etc.
Today is my birthday,
I am so grateful I have so any friends to celebrate with me. :)
He made a card and gave me rose, knowing I hasn't filled my stomach, he bought me food.
Then the pathetic 4 surprised me at doorstep!!! one had school next and the other had work
SUPER TOUCHED PLEASE!!
I came to office with a cake on the table.
Went birthday lunch with colleagues
birthday dinner with Mich!
came home to another package at home!! from the poly clique!
you may not read this, but this is damn awesome! cus i guessed it correctly
haha. This year i got alot of wishes.
LEZZZGO!!
suddenly when you are busy, not thinking much,
the heart can rest a little! don't miss so much,
MY 23 WILL BE BETTER! FOR SURE!!!!
I must make it better!
more pics next time. heh <3
Saturday, November 01, 2014
Day 5
So after the anger,sadness and disappointment,
now the real shit kicks in and is probably going to be the toughest
memories flashback :(
also the most vulnerable period cus my heart is TOO SOFT!
gosh, I can't believe I am even helping him when my friends are trying to help me.
I really have to see what's infront of me. Gosh,
PLEASE GUIDE ME >.<
now the real shit kicks in and is probably going to be the toughest
memories flashback :(
also the most vulnerable period cus my heart is TOO SOFT!
gosh, I can't believe I am even helping him when my friends are trying to help me.
I really have to see what's infront of me. Gosh,
PLEASE GUIDE ME >.<
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