so much of it.

so much of feeling insecure, paranoid.
I am not suppose to be the one but WHY!
anyway i conquered Human BSG ytd. happy but my throat hurts now.

Ytd was also the day i saw your true colours at your work place.
so many things i wanted my brain to reject, but my heart tells me smth is not right.
now you find it a hassle to hold my hand JUST BEFORE rides.
I dont need you to always hold my hands esp with our friends around
but cant you just give me that kind of assurance that we're getting through the
ride together? I know I shldnt keep comparing the past and now.
but it is all getting too ridiculous don't you think so?
you wanted to take the back row of mummy, i told you i was scared.
you got pissed off because you wanted very much to show me the lane change.
in the end we took the last 2nd row. you were pissed because u didn't get to take back row. LIKE HELLO??? I am a girl I am scared can't you just fucking accommodate me?
ya all you care is abt not seeing the lane change,my feelings are nth to you anw.
all you care abt is your friends seeing us hold hands like hello one sec of assurance kill isit?

and you know what? you will definitely feel it when u enter army, just see lor!

see your colleagues only turn to me and smile, commented that her hair was different.
ya lor, notice only. actually i'm not very much into this, but because of existing condition it kinda like adds on to my anger..

to be honest i am quite disappointed, and i know this post is one-sided.
whatever~

sometimes i am just very much hurt by the things you do/say.
sometimes it hurts alot that i tear immediately.
just because my tears are already worthless to you,
you finally said it, i am acting pitiful.
you shouted at me because when i talk abit unglam, not professional, sound like auntie. you just shouted at me??????????? for fuck, seriously?
U want me to change, i know, but everything i wanted you to change you also didn't what. i ask u not to wink because its effing ugly and unglam, you still did it because its a habit. u said u had no choice. so everything that u do is no choice, everything i do is got choice la.

tell me people. how to endure?
my friends tell me i shld take it easy on my rls.
but i don't want my relationship to reach a point, both parties bo chap each other
and you still tell ppl, you're together. and most importantly, only behave like a gf/bf when u feel like it. EVERYONE tell me he's a treasure.
he's the best guy one can ever get. sometimes my heart tells me
i deserve better. why aft 4 years i still have to struggle.

today is your birthday, i don't want to make this ugly.
but deep inside me i have already expressed how i feel.

HBD, enjoy your day!

ok, i will still hang on, until 1 day my heart is dead