Reflection

Today I attended a training course called "Passion at Workplace"
When I first suggested to take this course during appraisal with boss, they were like
"no need la you are very passionate about work".
To me, no. I dread going to work because i know there are 101things that cannot be completed and its a vicious cycle. I know I have only been in my job for 2 years but recently(mid last yr onwards) workload have increased, expectations increased, more mistakes prone... and expected to work the same.

Been very tiring trying to manage my time with work,school,run,gym...
so tiring...

Today the trainer asked by profession or by choice?
Got to be profession for me. Am I enjoying what I am doing? I don't have an answer.

Passion = Meaning X Progress

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I were to go Uni 2 years ago.
Will I be different? Will I be more confident? More tired?
One thing for sure, the set of problems I face now, will be replaced by another set of problems from school.
One thing for sure, I didn't have the resources to start with.
I hate it when I have to start paying loans for the rest of my life.
Am I happy with where I stand now?

I went through the course thinking what I have been doing to not my work but my entire life.
I need a complete restructuring of my life, my perspective, my goals and aims all over again!

Maybe because I lack Family for the past 21 years,
I have always wanted to build my own and make it 1000x better than what I have.
explains the BTO too... haha
so Family comes on top of career or anything!! except health :)
I am not career minded, I don't have to be TOP TOP TOP.
but because of that I may be perceived as no aspiration, no aim, not challenging.
I wish to have work life balance,
if my circumstances allow, I wish to spend my time watching and teaching my kids.
it is so important to impart the right values at a young age.
Which your maid can never do the job as well as you do.

Being said that, I still do my best in my work.
DO it once and DO it right.
Yesterday, I was informed I was tasked to take on a new project for enhancement.
I couldn't hide my emotions, I said HUH... and gave a shock face.
I cannot believe I have to take on another task when I already have unfinished work on hand.
Of course, my boss reassured me that she will help me along etc.
This is a good example of negativity.
After attending the course today, I realise I should take it as an opportunity to grow, a chance for me to prove how far I can be pushed with pressure, how much I can deliver.
I now look forward to conquer it. The mentality matters! because the more you fear and dread it, the least priority you put it and procrastinate, duh~

If there is smth you are passionate abt, you will be willing to learn new things from it.
Ie my Ukulele, I was never good at it, I didn't learn it through schools, but play the chords that I learnt on youtube and try on new songs! This is smth I do, but I overlooked and didn't realise as passion.

Past Tuesday, I went for underdeck tour, which is smth our of my jobscope, wearing safety boots and helmets, wearing gloves and  'inspecting' the area is very different from my jobscope, answering calls, facing the computer. Even though the weather was damn hot, I was enjoying myself. The rest of my colleagues struggled on climbing the ladder down, they did it so slowly but I was not scared at all!
Am I in the wrong field?

Am I studying because I enjoy it? or because I need to? Sad truth ain't it.

After today's course, I will relook at my life again and PLAN what is the kind of life I wanna leave 5 years from now, 10 years from now.

3 questions from Ms Solastri(my sec sch eng/ lit teacher)
1) WHO AM I?
2) WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
3) WHERE AM I GOING?

Recently also had another work struggle. Users need help with interpreting the report, of course, on my end I wanna help. With them understanding, means they are able to solve my problem and long term, they will be able to understand and it helps them too!! but boss thinks otherwise, boss thinks they should sort it out on their own and we shouldn't be so kind. the other day i spent an hour with the user on the phone just to explain. With that, I lose an hour of my time trying to do my own work. Am I too nice to ppl?

In fact, my colleagues always tell my i got no temper. It's not that I don't, I just express it in a different way i guess. I write, I blog about them and curse them. But at the end of the day, by having office politics WILL NOT help you get your job done. that was my point.

Today, I am proud to say, I am earning enough to pay for my school fees, and my loan for my poly fees, for "jia yong" household expenses, to travel occasionally and save up for my future flat's renovation.

Not many people can do that at 22 years old.

I will work hard and do my best in everything! take a whole new perspective in life because life is just so short for you to be sad about... I am so stressed about my family stuff nowadays... $$$$$$$$$$$
why can't ppl think for themselves????
I took a high risk investment, I withdrew the bulk of my savings to lend my brother and hopes he return me on a monthly basis. Again, not many ppl do that at 22. I see my friend's elder siblings providing for them, but mine is the other way round.

I HATE IT.

thats why I can't wait to move out in 4 years time.
On a surprising twist to the story, my mum also cannot tahan,
also want to move out with me. haha

I will do up a restructuring plan and post it up on my blog, so I can review it in x years times to see where I am.

Before I forget, THANKS DEAREST(if you are ever reading), for your support during stressful days.
you are ORDing really soon and I super look forward to life after army, a life with you.

Lastly, shoutout to all readers :) thank you for being so loyal la!!