Day 1

Today was my breakup day 1, progressing well and i should be proud :)
Ytd was alot of crying after work,
can you imagine I had to tahan my tears from 10am to 6pm go home,
change to running gear, and cry while running :(
I feel so sad for myself but it is true..
It is also the first time i took a good 1.5hours to finish 2 cuts of sandwiches
really no appetite, went back a place we used to date frequently before I started working
and he started army, lots of flashback, I had alot of thinking to do
I asked myself alot of questions, cried my heart out in public,
because i couldn't do it at home else my mum would find out
wipe my own tears and move on.
At that time i was angry and sad, i couldn't see why I deserve this shit...
Went to bed early but woke up 2 hours later, texted him, cried in between then went back to sleep at 4

My eyes were sore from the cries, so I took AM leave. did I just say I took AM leave after a breakup?
I read through those conversations and it crushed me again, it killed me, every single part of it.
my heart was cringing. I cried my hearts out again.
I ask God why it has to be me again??
Earlier this year, it doesn't pay to be kind episode 1
I was always thankful for having this ex for being with me through tough times at home
I believed that God shut my door from my Family and I was happy I had him and would love to start
a family with him, with out home.
I cried so hard I always had to put my palm against my heart

Unfortunately it had to happen, and I was lucky I found out, like I said earlier, All-fated
I asked myself if I will love him the same again, My answer was no,
that was when I knew I needed this relationship to end
This is by far my longest relationship and it hurts to say it
but it had to end by cheating.
we once told each other, whoever cheats will be each other's loss.
too bad he had to commit first.
He very much tried to ask for another chance
but I think I have given enough.
at least from the last episode where u reminisce the past with your other ex crush.
I was pretty sure this had to end, all these bad memories have to end

He told me he will try and win me back
but for now still friends
alot of thinking to do, alot on the line
I don't even know how to answer to my mum if she asks but hey
everything happened for a reason. I am still hurt :( very.....
 I am not ready to fogitve
i still can't recover from the damage... its so intense words cannot descirbe the pain, really
I hope to open my eyes wide again, see, and decide on my future
I am still confused now, still hurt, but at least no tears!
When I was done crying, went to work and got reminded of him walking with me
sigh
went for office run at Labrador Park where we celebrated our first mth.
Not much feels for now.
Aft that I met my pri sch friends for dinner at Boon Lay Raja. nice but too much to finish haha
I explained to them the whole situation without crying, i think this is part of moving on...
then Peiyi called!! delivered 2 pints of ice cream to my hse cus i wasn't home at that time!
I cannot be more thankful than everyone for their effort
made me feel so love even though my world is crushed!!!
I will be strong!!