big 2

even the sky is crying for me since afternoon! haha
I have made much progression since 2 months ago, definitely...
and within these 2 months only i have already attended 2 weddings. Lol what Irony..
and i keep asking myself just WTH am i doing with my own life?
its like playing blocks with your best mate then suddenly your mate messes it up
and you just don't know where to start from again.
I asked myself alot of questions... like whether I will be happy if I am married
I will blame myself for being stupid for any subsequent issue we face
like seriously it could have just ended and poof* bye.
But these 6.9 years have been such a huge part of my life
the promises we made.
the hope i always held on to, as my escape to sucky family reality.
Fact was, i couldn't wait to get married and get out of this situation.
But its always like that isn't it? Sometimes the more you try to rush, the results aren't always good.
And ok, i accept that, probably I needed an even longer time to understand the religion
probably i needed a longer time to re-look and retune my relationship
probably he needed a time to get things sorted out before we commit further
Fact was, I see him as a life-long partner so it hurts EVEN MORE!

Again, God will not allow things that are not planned to happen.
ie. Things happen for a reason
ie. He is the ultimate planner
and I accept that.

The hurt is still there, the pain will always be, the memory will be with me till I die, that's for sure.
There will be friendships forgone, relationships strained.
You may look at me/us differently.
You may mock me/say I am stupid,
but really, 我的心真的容不下另一个人
I am already in the process of moving on/forgiving/loving again
although it won't be the same, at least for now
but someday. maybe.

Always in my dream.

Surely, I will get pass this...

busy weekend!

Last weekend was pretty packed
Sat I had Sea games volunteer session in the morning
which is damn far, at Pasir Ris, and i was damn stupid to walk 1 big round >.<
felt so in between.. like neither here nor there... cus either teens or like adults in 30s or older
then we did abit role play which is damn funny! haha I kinda bullied the poor boy
who looked damn intimidated.
anw i was being a difficult guest/athlete
and sometimes really, being difficult is so much easier. ok what irony..

then headed to town for facial!
rained super duper heavy just before i finished
next time i will bring umbrella. next time i will bring umbrella.
been there for more than a year, first time such heavy rain.
I was soon gonna be late for my next appointment
so heck la! just run!!! haha
the nearest shopping mall was Paragon
and I looked drenched and no tissue, no time to find toilet
omg, so pathetic.
then when i reached Wisma the crowd was CRAZY!! i think the walkway to small liao. lol
so ke lian...
i reached dhoby on the dot.

then met the girls for dinner.
the Mentai Hotate is <3 <3, tried Shishamo for the first proper time.
we had buffet but I think if never eat Sashimi not so worth it!
super full at the end though
then after much discussion cus didn't know what to do
we went for escape room!!! which we failed!! grrrr!
Th storyline we cannot catch la
plus! the music so scary, in a church summore!
but we were damn close!!!!!!
we will def try again and succeeed this time!!
Wanted to K but so slots,
then movie also not nice!
SO GO HOME LOR!!!

Sun was zoo with the Nanny and Panny!
haha got the corporate pass so free entry la!
i was so tired i couldn't wake up for a run in the morning, but just do insanity la
cus feeling fat....
Zoo hasn't change much since I last visited...
Glad to bring them back since the last time they went was super long ago!
just spending time with them is <3 and so precious...

This week is massive OT week!!!

Not prepped

Had Laksa for Lunch thinking there would be enough time to digest and 

time to go toilet...

best thing the pain only came THE MOMENT READING TIME STARTED

for the first 15min of the exams I was perspiring and thinking whether I SHLD GO TO THE TOILET!!! wah this is last warning man... haha

anw the paper was clearly too tough for me to handle anyway.

first I wasn't well prepared,

second what I expected and what the lecturers expected didn't really come out.

third, i was super discouraged by the 1st qn already

fourth, I wrote my answers halfway and decided to change question

Well I guess I will only try to pass in Jun.

Hardest paper so far... like I got study and still cannot write out. LOL

lessons learnt

never take 2 theory papers together

never eat laksa before exams

but anw for now its time to shop, hair mask, face mask, catch up on WWE

and I WILL BE BETTER!!!! :) 

Tomorrow

Ok. So tomorrow i am prepared to flunk my exams! Giving my best shot anyhoos.

In Pain, I found Him

He dropped me hints in my dreams which I later linked up to be the truth,
He taught me that to move on, believe in Him and to put this behind my back
(literally in my dream, I was asked to put a badge with a Quran verse on my back),
because of ghosts haunting me which I equate to this whole haunting experience.
I read the Quran briefly, cus the English choice of words are too difficult.
He knows even without me speaking >.<
Who else can understand me better?

Perhaps this is His way to show me and His way to tell Isham and I,
He is always watching,

And to that girl who destroyed my relationship(excuse me, don't say like you have such good intentions, it takes 2 hands to clap). Hope you can change for the better and I don't have to do anything to you now, God will take care of it, and your shall receive what you deserved on Judgement Day.

Meanwhile, I shall concentrate on exams and hope all's good!
:) Then be a better person

Hate that I love you

Totally. sucks.
I hate going thru this thought process everyday
I hate having to curse someone everyday so i feel better
Just what kind of person am I becoming...

I am becoming someone I don't wanna be
someone very idiotic!