Yesterday, I was stuck in my own world which I have not been for a long long time.
Just before my eyes close, before I bid farewell to the night sky and welcome the morning sun.
I had this urge to make a decision.
A decision I once made and promised not to regret.
I left, seeking for a new enjoyment, a new sport.
one and a half years gone, I enjoyed what I did, made great friends, great teammates.
Time was short, too short for me to feel a deep sense of belonging.
yet I still feel attached to this Futsal team.
I wish I could still train weekly, have fun with the girls, play match.
But... I came to realise that enjoying training may not be a good thing afterall.
Truthfully, I don't recall times I enjoyed Netball training for the 4 years.
It was tough every training, breaking free from your comfort zone.
competing a place for the main 12 didn't come too easy.
Yet at the end of the day, I feel training was all worthwhile...
I hate using Menses as an excuse for PMS for being immobile for being slow.
and especially as an excuse NOT TO RUN!
never had been a problem to me until last Tuesday.
I admit I am never the fastest runner.
Never the one who goes on to say "don't give up".
but at least I tried my best.
But the problem is, I don't even see myself putting the effort.
because I feel it was unnecessary to waste my energy
on something that does not give me any return.
(I totally forgot the personal benefit it can bring)
Conversely, in the past, I know if I work hard enough,
I will get a place in the main 12, a chance to represent my school.
and I don't like what I am seeing now.
Should I have even in the first place broken ties with Netball,
even though it is still where my passion lies?
Now, I am thinking of going back to Netball...
But then again, there are too many things to consider
and i totally lost touch with the game for 3 years.
I am not as competitive,fit and ready and committed anymore.
But I want to be mentally stronger, and i believe a competitive sport is just the right one.
I am not saying Futsal is bad or harmed me in anyway,
I am taking this to a very personal level.
I am very pessimistic, very weak mental strength...
that most of the time, in fact of me encouraging my teammates
they end of encouraging me...
and because of this mental strength, I lose alot of confidence in myself.
That's when i make stupid mistakes which are sometimes too costly to risk.
Now in poly, I am building confidence but I am losing strength.
And they work together...
I don't know what to do =(
But thanks futsal peeps for the wonderful time every week!
esp trainers 'Isham, Jon, Weixiong, Irfan, Vic
You guys were AWESOME!
Moving on, I am finally entering to the last phase of Polytechnic
I still cannot believe I am in ACCountancy.
I met the best people, best friends to form the best TA08!! weeeeee~
Rock my Socks! like TOTALLY!!!
a sad thing we can't join polympics this year. But it's ok! 2 is better than 1.
I also had the chance to choose AUDITING for my 6 months internship.
I would be more than interested if this was offered to me 3 years ago
Meiyun, Cheechin and Mich you should get what I mean!!
Check for loopholes, embezzlement!!
But I realised that's not what I really want.
These things really is Forgive but cannot Forget...
I feel aimless. I don't think I can make it to a local U.
and i'm sure I don't want to be an accountant.
Well, Shall deal with exams before I decide what I really want to do in my life.
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