you expect me to update you when you don't even update me.
Complaining is no use but fuck it ok.
don't tell me you don't even have time to tell me u woke up, u left home, you are driving. you are only telling me when u pass the checkpoint?! STUPID or what
Don't do what you don't want others to do onto you

Had my first netball game for the tournament today.
Although I was excited,
it feels different playing with a new group of people.

Although we won, I don't feel good winning.
the whole match was intensive, competitive.
To be honest, I don't enjoy the match at all.
I feel bad competing with Uncles/Aunties.(btw my team all quite young)
den it's like the game is suppose to be enjoyable...
but it's really not and i feel guilty winning over aunties/uncles
although generally we are better.
I don't know how to say...

it just don't feel good.
i still prefer competitive netball :(
though i might not be up to it.
at least i know i lost to a better opponent

nonononono

TP on 1 Aug.
Will chiong driving in July with lots of things coming up.
ACCA starts. got lesson every Mon and Thur.
Hope 1 Aug will be smooth la! :)
I will be good. If not have to wait longer grrr!!!


and congrats choburg!! :)

Yesterday was great! Run, fitness corner
Altho we stopped halfway to discover the old area of taman jurong.
Apparantly, the blocks there were left there for a good 7 years. I dont think they are gonna demolish as there were no barricades. The newer blocks, left untouched for 5 years still had residents. The lift is the old sch kind but think they work perfectly fine. Because the lifts dont stop at every level, there is a walkimg bridge which is visible from the exterior. Discoloured playgrounds. Empty spaces. Not like a lively neighbourhood at all! But amazing houses!!! Good discovery :)

Dover shld be going en bloc soon. So shall revisit soon :) ytd had dinner with sham and saw qilaf and gf otw back home. Lol, sham saw him first i didnt even bother. Grrr he very guailan

This morning was dreadful :( went out without packing my bag for a scheduled run with choburg this evening. I missed my usual bus as a result.
The most diagusting part is here. So digusting i had to pour to you first, spiritualjoy. My bf isnt ready to hear me out. Think hes preparing. It was a single deck bus and the bus was crowded. I was around halfway mark where the door is. Then got this very old ah pek. I think got 70plus! Old until got prob seeing that kind. He was never beside me... Den when ppl offered seat he refused. He slowly made his way towards i supposed the door for alighting. As he was making his way pass me, i gave way by leaning forward so he had mpre space. WRONG MOVE! He stood behind me. Ok in my heart maybe he getting down the next stop. But before i know it. I felt something touching/rubbing my ass. Grrrr dunnoe his hand or his ahem i dun even want to think abt it. Ar first i thought its accidental so nvm la. Walk pass me fine i'll be good. But it was continuos!!!'n den i realised ehh something wrong. Den i quickly made space for myself occupying large part of the walkway to make sure he is beside me instead of behind me. He remained distance. Until his stop, he tried to brush my from the side with his ahem. He was like swinging or in a dry hump position. Fuck it la seriously. Plus i am not wearing anything nice or what! Just normal office wear and nth revealing. Why meee!!!! I seriously doubt it is accidental. Because he walk all the way beside me. Fuck

Awesome

Though it wasn't a full turnup,

it still felt as great catching up with allllllll of them <3

great all of us are on the right track i hope.

next 2 weeks at sy house. hohohohohohohoho!

somehow, finally I feel barrier is over.

Its a good sign and I am happy ;)

I have been longing for this day and YAY!!!

HAPPY GIRL :)

its crazy

This week is crazily packed. I can't even find time to fix my computer which was infected by a virus. I thought my internal harddisk was gonna die on me! Lucky therr's internet where people gathered to provide solutions to fix the problem. Hate troubleshooting diy cus it is damn time consuming! Lol

On mon i met up with amanda love for kbox at safra@mount faber. Didnt' make any reservations cus we thought there wont' be much people. We were wrong :( it was fully booked when we arrived. But the staff and manager there was very friendly and helpful. The manager suggested he hang around at the lounge to wait and see if any customers for the 8pm slot were to cancel their reservations. We waited for abt 15mins while we camwhored and yes! We had a room :) awesome, spam s.h.e songs all the way! Lol was there for 3 hours. They didnt come to chase us away when our time was up. But i had to catch the last bus home! Cant wait to meet my 6f boys and girls on sun(tentative) it has been a year since we met up in full force! I want to see all of you :)

On tuesday, met mich for dinner at white dog! Den had awfully chocolate. By the end of it, my stomach was really bloated and had difficulty standing upright! Haha!! Took 30 back! Awesome!!! Shall meet up with the rest pretty soon!

Today i have to head to kaplan to registrr for acca. Classes starts late july. I will be even busier then!! But didnt want to waste more time. I will study hard and not waste $ :)

Tomorrow i will have another round of netball training. Wanted to skip it initially. But after awfully i think i desperately need exercise! Lol fri would be out with morato, Prolly catch a movie and dins tgt( long time nvr date liao :(, finally ) sat will be working at uss! Sun wld be meeting my peeeps!

Realise how i totally skipped talking abt work in my post. Pretty mudane, rush now that my jobscope are rather specific. I will conquer :) plus i wanna pass driving soon! Lol

It has been a long time since i updated on my daily life. I dont even have time!!! :( i am doing it now on my way to work! Crazily no life!!

Whos on for bangkok in sep????

Ok, till then!!

stupid for you

today, while in deep thoughts every morning otw to work,

I had this sudden urge to press the bus bell.

without realising where i was...

lucky got ppl alight.if not damn malu :)

what's wrong with me?

Heavy heart -_-

I took a lot of courage to start this post.

While my concerns and problems are personal.

I’ve decided not to seek advice from close friends.

This is because I do not want any one to influence my decision.

I needed a space to sort out my thoughts and I thought this would be a good place since…

Not many people read them? (Correct me if I am wrong!)

So if you happen to read this post; read and forget. Don’t probe me further.


I have to admit I am not the best partner anyone can have.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried being one.

This year we encountered/are encountering countless problems.

Maybe both of us have our own faults…

I have an f-ed up attitude that I know is unbearable and unreasonable.

I am stubborn and I won’t take a step back.

But this was 2 years ago.

Haven’t I, since then, tried to be better?

On the other hand, we fight over the smallest thing now.

I think I am always right, I think I have changed for the better.

I feel its unfair for you to be like this. I miss how we used to be.

True KARMA isn’t this? Now I am the one giving in to you…

While I emphasized you’ve changed and you were different from whom I known you as,

You said I’ve changed too.

Since then, I realise we can’t go back to what we used to be…

We keep moving forward.

I am very afraid one day I will not be able to take it and make a decision I really don’t want to.

You are irritated because I cry over the smallest thing whenever we quarrel.

Hell yeah, I am a crybaby.

I don’t even know what happened to the old me?

Why did I even become like this?

Why should I even feel hurt over the small things you do, when you don’t even feel it.

You have never appreciated those tears. You must be thinking those tears are worthless,

Because I cry over anything and everything…. I cry because I care, I cry because I am hurt.

I cry more because you don’t even realise….


It took me sometime to get over the fact that we’re not the same. We can’t go back.

Everything in this world is changing, so are we.

It is not a 360 degree change, I appreciate all other things that you insist on doing from Day 1.


I don’t expect you to change back to your awesomeness and being the nicest to me! Our honeymoon is over long ago! Just wanted things to return to go back to normal… like in 2010! It was awesome! While I keep thinking and insisting that I have changed to become a nicer gf compared to earlier stages of our relationship, I have to also admit this whole bullshit situation is self inflicted. I keep telling myself, it’s not fair the way he’s treating me… Am I wrong? BULLSHIT KARMA GO AWAY!!!!!!!!


Also during this period, by coincidence, some long lost male friends have re-appeared in my life. No bad intention but it kinda stirs up this whole situation as well. Most of the time during our relationship, I was the one worrying, you had higher ‘market value’ compared to me. I was always the one getting jealous/ paranoid. But now it’s karma for you! Although there wasn’t any genuine concern, I wasn’t attempting at any time to cheat, you’ll still get jealous right…

Now you feel it don’t you. What you did 2 years ago still haunts me. I will never forget. You always say you dig out the old stories to say. I can’t help….. It still hurts


I hate liars. I hate knowing the truth last. So I always tell people upfront. I am a complete slut and I cannot forgive myself for being one. Not afraid to admit the mistake I’ve committed. It’s a shame. I missed my ex at one point of time, while attached. When I say miss, I really miss. To the point I really wanted to meet him, I do not have appetite. It lasted for say 2 weeks? It must have been a period of despair for you. You didn’t give up on me. I sincerely appreciate that. If not for you, I don’t know what I will become today. So after 2 weeks, even though I had no intentions to get back to him (ex), I also managed to convince myself he was a jerk when we were together. It’s time to wake up. Bounced back from dreamy world back to reality. Standing in front of me is a boyfriend who is true to me…. I thought so, not until the incident in 2009. oh? Both happened in 2009. yeah, at that time I thought it was karma…. I didn’t realise this whole shit was coming much later.


Today, thanks babe for your patience and love all the time. I know you’ve tried to be better over the last few days. Thank you I truly appreciate that. I will also be at my best.


Also recently, the same ex reappeared out of nowhere. Pirates 2 came out recently, we watched our last movie, Pirates 1 together. Coincidentally, it was on the day we were together 5 years ago. Time flies!!! He hasn’t changed much, still very good in sweet talking -_-...

But his re-appearance has made me realise and appreciate ‘Isham more..


My previous relationship was very emo, I emo everyday because we quarrel/cold war every single day. It was tiring hearing ppl telling me he’s with another girl(?) haven’t admit over 5 years don’t know true anot.…. And babe, when you came into my life, I saw nothing of those. Because you were different from him, You were so nice that when you become like this(past few months), you remind me of him. WHY DO GUYS CHANGE AFTER GETTING GIRLS? The difference is, his is steep slope, almost immediate. Yours was gradual.


Nonetheless, I saw your effort over the last few days and I really appreciate that.

The reason why I have this post is not for you to see, it is really my own thoughts that I really want to voice out. It feels terrible keeping it to myself.


Lastly, Thank you Spiritualjoy, you have always been the BEST, MOST AWESOME LISTENER SINCE 2006. I promise I’ll feed you with more words after this wordy post :)

Miss #5

5.Waipo/Bukit Panjang


I have never been close to Waipo because she lives alone in Malaysia, while she was reluctant to leave her comfort zone to Singapore, she knew how to take care of herself, mend the garden, do house chores. The living style of Waipo house is so different. I still miss going waipo house, catching ants, ladybird, grasshopper with my bro and cousins. Playing cards, just spending time together. We would wake up every morning to a huge spread of breakfast. Waipo would go to the market and buy breakfast for so many of us every morning with her motorcycle. Mummy brought her home when she fell ill in 2001. She came to Singapore for an operation. Times were hard, my mum was holding a single job, my bro and I had PSLE and streaming. Waipo must have saw it was tough on mummy. She decided to end her life. It must be hard on mummy for she chose to end her life in our house. After her death, we sold our house away, but while it was still vacant( my family already moved to my ah ma house), I still go back on my own, stay on my own. So much because I miss that place so much before it was sold. I miss having a functional family. I miss having my own room. I miss BP cus that’s where I learnt so much to be independent. I miss inviting friends to my house. I miss you, Wai Po.

Miss #4

4 Netball and watching local football


Netball was part of my life for 7 years. Words cannot describe my love for this sport. I first joined Netball credits to ljy J, henry park had a very strong squad, I played WD but I was just a reserve. When I graduated from HPPS, I wanted to carry on Netball. But all sec schools that were strong in Netball were either good schools or they are really far away. Cedar, MGS, Crescent, TKGS, CTSS and the only one left was TSS. In sec 1, we had trials, played with seniors. From 15 players quit until left pathetic 5. YES! SURVIVORS. Training was tough and I can still remember the thoughts of quitting constantly pops up in my mind. ALWAYS on the verge of giving up. My teammates made me cry over a stupid incident. TSK I still angry hor… I still regret not having a team to play in the Cdiv, and when I was promoted to Bdiv, there was a huge gap. I am lousy… I miss washing bibs, I miss NOT wearing the jinx bib. BLUE/WHITE WA!! I can still rmb ;) cannot forget my idol, Baizura, cannot forget the semi match against nan hua. Cannot forget the crucial goal hua hua shot against Henderson. It was just amazing. Missing out on west zone champs, I am speechless. Moving Box drill. Lol. Kns, suicide run, kns, 10 rounds around field, kns. I wish I was equally fit now. I think the only match I played 4 quarters of C and still hanging on though I was effing tired to the max was against… bukit panjang. We won 25-23. imagine the pressure, fatigue and 1 main player down. Hoho! Sweeeeet victory. I want the same motivation in running now! I really really really miss Netball with my teammates. It’s not the same with other people L so not adaptable. Hahaha. I’ve never play defense inside Goal circle before. I think I have tried all other positions during games and training. I think C still suits me best!


Suddenly got hooked to football after 2004 tiger cup, Baihakki, Shahril, Shaiful,John, Norazmi. Sleague was an addiction. Apparently all players were too old for me! Hahahaha Shaiful did entertain me quite abit. Ren mei bo bian eh! Lol no la! Football khaki Mich, Kevin den got to know Choon Soon. act yi ge professional, knew so many friends, took picture with players, cheered my heart out. Even watch soccer also got xiao didi scandal. Tsk. J. shall not reveal name to protect myself. Cannot imagine they push me until I fell flat at cck stadium. Free ice cream from Andersons, Stalk ppl. Most significant of cus is BC la. That was my only love at first sight. They say love at first sight don’t last and it really didn’t. cool to have ang moh boyfriend ma right. Trend. I was close. Hahahaha WTH! LOL!! Went out twice and that’s it!! Cannot forget the incident with mich!! Hahaha mich u remember he wore a pink long sleeves den we discussed and said it was damn ugly, u asked him to button up and he did. We watched Flight Plan together, he smsed me if he could hold my hand when we were just beside each other. Of cus I very guai de, I rejected… lol. And then there was this movie advert about Emily Rose who wears pink. I have never seen mich wearing pink so I bet with him I CONFIRM + CHOP mich won’t wear pink. After movie we met her SHE WORE PINK. Omg!! Lol! But it was also on the day we fell out! Great we didn’t make too much of an impact in each other’s life. Ok he did la if not I won’t talk about him, It was love at first sight afterall. LIONS TOTALLY SACKED! WEEE~ shaiful and shahril should stay. Young players should play. Fandi please come back. I wish I have the (in Taiwan drama) 美国时间 to watch sleague again. But now no more student have to pay $5. LAME. FREE ENTRY LA. Now only left Shaiful in Singapore. The rest at indo. Tsk.

Graduation... into the future(wordy)

Cannot help but to admit I am old.

Mixed feelings actually.

To be honest, I've been longing for this day, i get 100% of freedom, no restrictions, make decisions on my own.

But all comes with a price... making decisions are difficult...

Wish i could go back to carefree life. no problem no worries.

Anyway, decided to stay in PSA to become accounts executive.

Will be doing Tax and Fixed Asset for PSAC.

There are tons of things to learn and for the sake of my resume, i will bear with whatever that comes in between.

Tough job, but I am all prepared I hope *cross fingers*

these 8 months wouldn't be awesome with my fellow interns.

wan ting has left for further studies. Luckily I still have Shing.

May the force be with me starting 1 July 2011.

It marks a new milestone.

Shi Lin is working, to provide for my family, to provide for myself.

to save up for my family and lastly, time to give back everyone that supported me throughout my 19years of studies, needs, and wants. Sincerely, Thank You.

While I will start small as an accounts exec.

I will study hard, for an ACCA qualification

and I will continue to pursue a degree somehow, after i save enough money.

I know it is not the ideal, but this is the most ideal for me.

For the next few years, I need alot of support from my friends...

because I know studying and working at the same time is very tough.

先苦后甜 the worst isn't over... I will persevere through.

I need a lot of motivation. a lot of strength. a lot of encouragements.

I will make it :)

Anw, 3 years of accountancy was truly insane.

Never thought one day I will really be doing accounts.

and doing it for the first time, PSA being big company, the accounts are extremely huge too!

well, always good for a first experience :)

My choice has always been Banking/Finance Sector.

failed terribly once when i failed to get into NP B&F.

failed twice when i try my luck to put banks in my internship choices.

I thought that was enough, I was never fated for Banking.

well, if i ever had a chance, I still would :)

choosing accountancy makes me feel dumb cus it makes me feel like,

all my 9 subjects i took in sec sch came to a waste

Nonetheless, in my poly life, I made many friends. Friends and classmates for 3 good years.

all the times that we spent, we studied, we played will be in my memories.

we can't re live those moments but we can always meet up(omg i am saying this, yup, meetup)!

don't ever lose contact! because I LOVE ALL OF YOU! :)

to be continued...

Will blog abt my graduation on sat!

long awaited. it has been a long time since i last blogged.

:)

yay back to blogging. blogging rocks.!