HEAD SHOT, BANG!

i almost died today. ALMOST.
i got reprimanded like a absolute loser today.
shit got into me somehow.
it sucks when everyone tells you,
" It's all your fault! "
" Why are you so careless?"
" You should have............"
it doesnt feel good at all, and obviously, that old virgin( quoted from zhongming ),
tried to make things really big. i wouldnt give a damn.
instead of people taking pity of me ( this new girl ).
it got worst.
i felt like Dr Stockmann, but unlike him, i've got not Catherine, no pillar of support.
when the sky is falling and i'm the only one holding on to it,
all i needed was someone to say "Hey, everything will be ok. we'll hang on to it."
so there came a guy, who said, " dont worry, i'll handle this"
"it's only a small matter, she's only making it big"
after hearing this, i broke down into tears.
reason being, i've never felt this way before, NEVER.
if i had a chance to meet this guy again, i would thank him with all my heart.
at the point where you're feeling nothing buy hopeless,
someone tells you, Hey! you're never the worst.
it feels so good, it feels good being stood up for.
what he said wasn't any words of consolation, i know. because i was ok before that.
i was so touched by his words, really.
i've never met him, and for a stranger to do that, it makes it more touching.

to think that i'm actually lousy, worse than worst, hopeless...
i feel depressed, sad or whatsoever.
i went up to the 4th floor toilet to cry for an hour.
i've never cried this badly, for a long time.
and when i cry, i really do.
i was on the verge of quitting and i even prepared an sms to my boss.
but before i could send it, she called.
she asked if i was ok, and i was still crying,
she asked if i got scolded. she was concerned bout me.
i thank her for that, beacause she made me feel better, instead of making things worst.
soon, i washed up and got back to my station.
the other promoters saw my crying face.
so i cried again, at the storeroom.
it was short, but loud cry. suddenly, i felt like a child.
i hope mummy was there to protect me.
i thought again, i'm sixteen. old enough to be independent.
alot of promoters consoled me,
" just treat it as she's bullshitting/farting"
"the more you cry, the more she'll be delighted"
" everything will be alright, dont cry anymore"
"i got scolded from her also, it's not worth crying because of her"
after my break, i was ok alr.
i read my book " For One More Day by Mitch Albom"
slacked, served a few customers ( which really perks up my day )
there was this customer, who was getting shoes, and he told me he got 35 pair of shoes,
he just bought Dr Martens ( 4 pairs ) of shoes last week, for $79
but isetan sells them at $99. so expensive!
he was deciding between to colours of the timberland shoes,
and he asked me for my opinion,
he took my pick and off he goes! =)
so i went home at 8.

special thanks to those ppl who lent me a shoulder, who consoled me.
just knew you guys for a week, but still very nice ppl.

it sucks more when my guy's phone is as good as not having.
he's working plus cannot sms, working also cannot call. zzzzzzz
sucks sucks. but i know he's trying his best, so no complains.

Dearest, if only you were there....
there when i needed you so desperately.